Countdown to Mexico. Finally relieved.

When I saw this in Havana... It captivated me...

but I had no clue why...

Cuba, Havana May 2007.

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"Lightbulb thought" :

If he caught my attention in Cuba..

How much more will I see him, when I seek, eyes

and heart wide open.

No need to be afraid. He is right there.

Countdown to Mexico.

Taking my first trip since my Cuba escapades. And although I don't want to admit it.. I'm terrified. It is not falling, stumbling that terrifies me.. It is not the fear of resorting to old ways.. I am aware and I am going on this trip clutching to Jesus.
I am just scared. I can't put my finger on it.

I ask that you pray that our father, my savior, my love and my friend for life, stays close to me on this vacation.



Lord, I place my fears in your hands. I long to sit by the ocean and dwell in your presence. I beg that you hold me up, give me discernement and even miles away from home, I wish to represent you in all of my ways.
Be with me.

I love you.

Forgiveness

Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me,

and I forgive him? till seven times?
Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.

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All of us have made mistakes in our lives. Some of those mistakes have had huge consequences on the life of others.

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I was placed in a situation today and as I saw the whirlwind of chaos, screaming and hurtful words surrounding me, all I could think about was forgiveness. All I could think about was Jesus.

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You see...There is this person...

He once made a huge.. catastrophic mistake.. a wrong turn.. a bad decision.

His loved ones are unfortunately still paying for it.

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As I watched the fight heat up.. my heart suddenly broke for this person. I felt so deeply for him. I hurt for him.

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How many times do we have to make a mistake known to someone?

How many times do we have to remind him of the pain he has caused?

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Yes.. he may have hurt us. Yes.. we may have been disappointed. Yes.. we may still be paying for it.

But it is done. We don't have the ability to go back into the past and erase it. I wish we could. I'm sure he wishes he could.

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I am sure that this person has enough turmoil to deal with within his own heart.

I am sure that he hasn't even forgiven himself yet.

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It reminded me of how, we sometimes sin and turn to Jesus. We know that we are forgiven. That - in his eyes - we are again as white as snow. Nonetheless.. we seem to have a much harder time forgiving ourselves.

We all deal with our own demons from the past. We are hard enough on ourselves.

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I know what it feels like to be truly forgiven.

And I wish with all of my heart that you could feel it too.

I am no better than you.

I chose to follow Jesus' ways..

So, my brother, I love you and I chose to erase the past from my mind and my heart. I forgive you for what you have done... and seventy times seven times more.

In the name of the Father.

(In response to my October 7th post)

Funny how some questions remain unanswered for some time and then when you least expect it, you are presented with the answer.

My Father.
I was unable to grasp it. To understand.. until this week.

A father will always try to protect you and wants with all of his heart to shield you. He will share his wisdom with you. He wants what is best for you. And loves you unconditionally.

If you do something wrong, if you get yourself into trouble.. your father will get you out...simply because he loves you.
A father will bail you out of jail, not because he agrees with what you have done, but because you are his child and he will always do everything in his power to help you.
If you suffer from an addiction, at some point, your father will bring you to rehab.. not because he wants to see you suffer but because he wants you to heal.
If you seek your father's advice, at times, he will remain silent and let you make the tough decisions. And even if you make the wrong decision, he will always be there to go back to.
He can show you where you have gone wrong.
He can tell you why you did right.

You are always precious in your father's eyes.
Your father will always love you.

Prayer.

Jesus,
I pray that, today, you overlook my intentions, my wishes and wants.
I simply ask that you use the yearnings of my heart.
I ask that you not listen to my words but simply remember their names.

I thank you for your love. In your precious name Jesus, I pray.
Amen.

Sunday thoughts..

I often leave gatherings so thankful. Today is no different.

I am so thankful for what God has done in my life. I am always striving to grow, always trying to keep focus or should I say regain focus. But when I take a moment to reflect on what He has done with my heart, my thoughts, my outlook on life in these past few months, I am overwhelmed.

I go through my day to day as I always have but something has changed. And to 'step out of myself' and reflect.. I am no longer the person I was!?
In no means am I gratifying myself. I am just amazed at what God has done. I am nowhere -nowhere- near perfect. There are so so many areas in my life that God has to restore. There are areas I don't even see yet. But.. wow...

Who would of thought... I can't even find the words...

It is hard to grasp.. even harder to put into words...

Although the message today was not necessarily about all this.. somehow, something was put into my heart. It feels as though I was put in front of a mirror and forced to look. As though Jesus held me in front of that mirror and said.. Look!


Jesus.. I thank you.

I thank you for keeping your promise, for transforming me, for changing my heart, for searching me, and for showing me how amazing you truly are.

Grateful.

Most of this blog has been filled with lessons learned. When I read back, I remember the situation I was in which led me to the lesson.
The situation itself, in hindsight, is never as important as the lesson that came out of it.

Tonight, I write again to remind myself.
So often, we yearn for 'big' things.. and forget the little miracles and wonders that surround us.
I write this so as not to forget the many things I already have to be grateful for.

I have two extremely special people in my life that I can truly count on to listen, guide and teach me. It is Jesus that has brought us together and created a bond that I have never experienced before. So I am eternally grateful to have you, Christina and Elie, on this walk with me.

I have become a part of the Westside community. A group of truly good people who love Christ and strive to live by his Word. I am grateful to have found a community that I love worshipping with, serving with and growing with. So many different walks all on the same path. So many experiences and knowledge under one roof.

I am thankful to have my pastor Dave and his wife Franca. They truly are an inspiration.
I am grateful to have a pastor who is down to earth and whom I trust is guiding us in the right direction. Who loves God with all of his heart and who shows his commitment to the growth of his community.

I am grateful to see that people can care without any benefit to themselves.

I am blessed to have my cousin Cindy, who truly knows me and the struggles I have faced in my life and who understands.

I coming to realize that everything and everyone is placed in certain places at certain times in our lives. It is all planned out.

I am grateful for the nudges, the awakenings, the messages I get out of the blue. The Bible verses that appear before me in such light when I need them the most.

The strangers that have said things that only I could understand at that moment. The beautiful coincidences that make absolutely no sense.. the coincidences that make sense of it all.

I am grateful that in such a short period of time I have learnt so much.
So many lessons, so much wisdom, so much guidance.

This walk isn't always easy.. and I stumble, I complain, I cry.. but now.. taking a moment to stop and look around, I see such beauty.

Forgive me Lord for not seeing all you given me.
Thank you Jesus.

Tears.

I am so thankful that in the times when I cry, in the times when I feel like I am off track, in the lowest loneliest times.. is when I hear him so clearly.

It is a beautiful reassurance.

Thank you Jesus.

Sunday thoughts..

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So simple. Yet, so difficult to answer..

I am sure that oftentimes.. when I will answer this question.. it will be followed by a NO.. (and an ahhhh maaann !! ) ..

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No one ever said it would be easy. Nonetheless.. it's all worth it in the end.