When we hear one another..

I have been on this journey with 24/7 for about a month now.

Looking back, in God's perfect timing, I have been on this journey for much longer than that.

From the time I was saved a little over a year ago, I kept a journal. A few journal entries into my first journal, I stopped journalling and instead filled the blank pages with conversations with God. Pages and pages and pages...of prayer.

Reading back to this years journal, taking into account my new passion for prayer and my strong belief in the mission of 24/7, I see that God has been preparing me for this very moment.


Again, here are bits and pieces of my journal..

April 13/14th
Lord, where is it that you are leading me? Where is it? What is it you want from me? What are you asking? Lord, guide me. Teach me. Help me.

I have felt a strong stirring lately. I pray Lord that you bring things to light and make them clear.

I then refer to my blog where I wrote :

-Prayer. What is prayer? Why does God want us to pray? What do our prayers accomplish? God is not an order taker.. how can we make our prayers 'effective'. What does prayer bring to me? and how does God change my heart through prayer? How does He use my prayers?

-My future.. Where is God leading me? In my life, the relationships he has set on my path, the pressings I feel on my heart, the feeling of unrest, his involvement in my career and day to day. There are certain places I know God has placed me in and there I will stay. I just feel a pressing on my heart that another route will be coming along.. I am in waiting..


From then on, it seemed as thought I was on a quest for prayer. I read books on prayer that had up to that moment been left on the shelf, I called people for their thoughts on prayer, I read any scripture that pertained to prayer.. searching... for ...something...


April 25th
I search for You Jesus & yearn to pray without ceasing. Glorifying You. Praising You. Trusting You. Following You. I ask Lord that Your Spirit come alive in me. Guide me, speak through me.

May 1st
Thank you for surrounding me with lessons of prayer. You have engulfed me in prayer. Teach me to pray Jesus. Perfect me in prayer Lord. Teach me to pray without ceasing. Teach me to pray efficiently for others. To pray in a manner that is pleasing to You. Please God, show me how to pray and let your Spirit guide me in my prayers. Pray through me.


May 8th
Lord, this hunger I have for prayer and the feeling of some things to come have been placed on my heart for some time now. I thank you for it. I thank you for calling my attention to it.

I will continue learning, reading, searching as you prepare me for things to come. Help me be patient Jesus.

On my birthday, Daria (whom I met at community prayer in March) gave me Red Moon Rising- How 24/7 prayer is awakening a generation.. I did not read it until a month ago.. (I read it in a week!!! And will no doubt read it again!)

Through my journal, throughout the summer, even through the valleys, I continued in prayer.


Then in October, Westside did an entire series on prayer.. and I knew.. I knew.. something was happening. I stretched out of my comfort zone and tried different ways to speak and hear God as often as I could..
Praying out loud. Praying over people. Setting up a prayer wall in my room. Praying in pictures. Writing prayers in my phone message book at work before I begin my day..

I practiced what God had been teaching me..

Then in a funny turn of events, Daria (24/7 leader) and I grew closer and I became (as she puts it) her Barnabas haha.. The past few month has been such an adventure!! God is doing amazing things and we are so blessed to catch a glimpse of it!

And here we are.. two days before our 24/7 Canada Vision night held here in Montreal.


Proof to me..

God hears our prayers.

When God hears your prayers.

Bits and pieces from my journal...
August 5
Lord, I long for connection. Does this walk have to be a lonely one? Can I not connect with others? Forgive me Jesus if my thoughts are misplaced. I am simply searching for what it is I have been trying to fill. What is it that is so lacking that I would resort to old ways..

I long for a group of people I can simply 'be' with. I ask Lord that you guide me through this time and stay with me Jesus.

I pray about these feelings I have about my community. I long for friendships with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I wish we could enjoy our company outside of Sundays. I pray for true and deep relationships.

It was lacking & I resorted to finding it in the world. Forgive me Jesus.

I pray for Westside. For true friendships. For a weekly, daily community. Not just Sundays. Help me take the steps to reach out. Help me try Lord. And if all else fails.. I will trust in you Lord.



My Daily Devotional email sent to me this morning...
August 10
BIBLE MEDITATION:
“For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there am I in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:20

DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT:There is something wonderful about unity. I heard about a fellow who courted a girl by writing her a beautiful love letter every day for two years. He thought that would be a wonderful way to court her. Do you know what happened? She married the mail carrier! There is nothing like being there. There is nothing like personal contact. There is a sense in which Jesus Christ is present when His people gather that’s not in any other sense. You cannot get it the same way at home.

ACTION POINT:Do you have a church home? If not, I encourage you to find one today. If church attendance isn’t important, I wonder why Satan works so hard to keep folks away. If you do have a church home, make a special effort this week to meet a new friend and find a need they have which you can meet

Today's Sunday Gathering..
Focusing on community, church...

Acts 2 42-47
And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.
And fear came upon every soul: and many wonders and signs were done by the apostles.
And all that believed were together, and had all things common;
And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.
And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart,
Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved.

My confession.
I need my community. I need a tight circle because I cannot fight alone. I attempted to find these relationships in the world and it led me to sin. The world is very enticing. I describe it as.. a steak which tastes like heaven..better than heaven.. but never fills you. You are hungry..starving.. so you keep, day after day, eating that one steak..which looks so good and tastes so sweet..but which never fills you.
It broke my heart and tore at my spirit. It led me to believe lies. I am not strong enough to fight alone. I feel like I'm drowing...and it breaks my heart.
Forgive me for not trying harder. Forgive me for the bitterness in my heart. Forgive me for beleiving lies.

Lord.. after all I have done, I cannot even begin to comprehend how you would hear my prayers. I thank you for meeting me in the dirtiest, darkest places. Thank you for showing me how much I mean to you..And for loving me when I feel like I am undeserving of even singing your name. Jesus.. I know you are with me. Fighting by my side when I am about to give up. The deepest desire of my heart Lord is to always be in your presence and to please you Lord. Forgive me for not living it out. Forgive me for being too weak to fight at times. Forgive me for doubting that you will fight for me.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you.

Romans 8:28

It's been an eventful night sitting here at my computer. Tears, laughter, thought... deep thought..

I don't know anymore..

I will put my heart out there.. again not wanting to.

Last year I left for Cuba for many reasons. I left on my birthday.
My plans for this year were to leave for Cuba once again.. Honestly.. I still haven't decided if I am going or not.. (I know you don't want to hear that from me.. but it's the truth.)

The Truth... the one thing I truly hold dear. And I beleive is one of the most important things in my life. It is something I strive to live for.. the Truth. It is something I try.. even to my detriment sometimes.. to share..

So let's share some of my truth..

The reason I want to go away every year on my birthday is because I dread the thought of spending it alone. My first year in this house.. I remember spending my birthday weekend alone sitting on the floor of my hallway..crying. (This is not something I really like sharing..but let's go on). My friends backed out and family just didn't feel like leaving the house.. So there I sat..on my birthday..completly..alone.

Scarred.
I would rather spend my birthday with complete strangers than to feel unloved by my loved ones. And yes the past is the past.. but I am not ready to risk feeling that way again.
(Stubborn mule.)

Coincidences are leading me to rethink my upcoming trip. But my upcoming trip is leading me to rethink coincidences.
Is something trying to keep me away? Or is God?

I am so confused... and will have to pray this one out.. because at this point I am still not convinced..

God's will. I need to know.

My walk through the King's inner court.

I am now on the 5th chapter of my bible study/small group of the Book of Esther.

To be honest, when we discussed creating a small group, I was not a fan of having a woman's only group.. being the girl 'that said' she couldn't get along with women.. (Why do so many of us say that? I truly believe deep down, we long for those friendships..)
I was happy that we were studying the Old Testament, but again, found it 'cliche' that we would study a godly woman.

Wow..
This walk through Esther has been .. un -belieee-vable!!!! Since becoming a Christ follower, I have developped a love for coincidences.. and each study has been filled with them. Each part of this study has mirrored events in my life as they occur.

On one occasion.. although I knew I could not attend the study, I sat down and prepared for it... my journal was pretty much blank. I could not identify with the topic. I had nothing. To my surprise, I found out 2 weeks later that the group had been cancelled. BUT... within those two weeks the events that occured, the events I journaled once again fell in line with the study. And as I answered the questions, once again, pages and pages were filled.

I know.. I know... coincidence.. or maybe reading too much into each situation.... HAHA... nope..
It is so 'non-sensical' that it makes complete sense!!!!


I am not saying that God intended this study for me. Please don't get me wrong.. I believe our group has grown together and that each and every one of us has, up to now, taken much and learned much from this study. I am just amazed... and thankful.


Lord, I thank you. I thank you for this study & for surrounding me with strong women, women who love you. I thank you for Esther, and for the opportunity to know of her life. Thank you Lord for all you have taught me as you walk by my side through each chapter.

To the 'princesses' learning to be Queens:
It is a blessing to be a part of this group. It is not often that you find a group where you feel completly 'safe'. This group has been a place of growth, honesty and support. You ladies have much wisdom and I am so grateful to be able to share experiences, questions, doubts, fears, hopes and joys with you. Thank you.

My new friend.. Peter.

Peter has popped up quite a bit lately.
On my last trip to Hamilton, I visited a church. The message revolved around Acts 10.

Then a voice told him, "Get up, Peter. Kill and eat."
"Surely not, Lord!" Peter replied. "I have never eaten anything impure or unclean."
Acts 10:13-14
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=acts%2010&version=31

In my notes, I had written - Peter thinks he has a right to tell God what to do.
Followed by - Holy Spirit changes are painful. Listen to the Spirit!!

This weekend at Westside and again tonight at our prayer meeting, we walked through Matthew 14 and... again came Peter.

22Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. 23After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, 24but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.
25During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. 26When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.
27But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."
28"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water."
29"Come," he said.
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. 30But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"
31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"
32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."
http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=matthew%2014;&version=31

Quite a few things have struck me in this passage.
Since Sunday, I have repeated this scene in my head, reread the passage and even told others the story. The big step of faith taken by Peter, his doubt causing him to sink, and then Jesus reaching out His hand.

A glimpse of some of my Sunday notes:
It is not about 'Why don't you get it?' It's about 'Why don't you do it?'
Just take a step.
Act on what you believe. Act on what you know.
Just take a step.
Jesus tells us: 'Give me what you have and watch me make wonders with it'
Just take a step.

Tonight, I saw even deeper..
24but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it. 25During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake.

You may think you have gone too far astray, led away because of the waves & the wind... Jesus will come meet you.

31Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him.

Immediately!! Jesus is never far away. Call on the Lord. Ask Him to save you. And He is immediately there. You may not always hear Him, feel Him.. but he is right there. I had once written that God's 'clutch' is stronger than mine... and it is. He will grab hold of my hand when I feel like I'm drowning and catch me.

32And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 33Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

Wow. When the wind died down.. When the storm passes.. When you are back, safe on the boat... Hindsight!! You will say.. Truly you are the Son of God. In hindsight, you will see God's work.

As I think of this scene, I imagine... Peter takes his first step onto the water. Imagine what a step that must of been!!! As he steps out, his eyes are intensely fixed on Jesus. And then for a split second.. he looks down.. He thinks.. this is crazy.. this is impossible.. I can't do this... The water which a moment before felt like concrete, dissolves to water again and he sinks...
The beauty of it is that Jesus grabs him! I love that He does not let him drown. Love that even though Peter doubted, since he called on the Lord to save him, Jesus pulled him back up.
This shows me that I can't do it my own. This proves to me that I don't have to!! I took the step. Jesus is still there. When I cry out.. Lord help me.. he is there reaching out His hand.

Can't you hear him knocking?

It pains me that you do not see. That you cannot hear God knocking at your door.
It breaks my heart.

He loves you. He is calling you. Do you chose not to hear? You feel the nudge.
I have seen firsthand how God can 'woo' someone. I have seen him relentlessly try to get the attention he more than deserves. Looking back, I can only bow my head down and cry when I realize that GOD went to all that trouble just for me!?? It is a beautiful thing to see. It is overwhelming to ponder.

When Jesus calls you by name, it becomes hard to ignore.

By the stories you tell me.. I can see that He has always been there. Right by your side.
Hindsight.. such a beautiful beautiful thing.. How many times has God knocked on your door?
How much more is He knocking now? How much more will He have to do before you see? No coincidence has gone unnoticed. From my experience, a coincidence has always been a wink from God.
You are seeing him everywhere, he is present everyday.

If only you knew the beauty, the joy that awaits you. It is more than anything this world can offer. You may feel complete in my presence. I will never be able to complete you. You may believe that you feel true love.. beloved.. you have not felt true, pure, unconditional love until you have fallen into the arms of Christ. Nothing - absolutely nothing compares.

I believe that with God - All things are possible.
He is knocking. Follow him. He will do the rest.