In the Midst of It All

Although I would rather not feel another heartache ever again, in the midst of it all, I can't stop thinking about what I will gain from it. I truly believe that a broken heart is an opportunity for us to lean into God, a moment where our heart is open to the brokenness inside & around us.It is a reminder that, in the midst of it all, God is waiting open arms to receive and hear our cries.

It reminds me about having idols in our lives and how sometimes, these idols, although amazing, will never replace the incomparable unconditional love of God. It reminds me to trust in Him, to keep my eyes and heart on Him not only in my valleys but as well on my mountain tops. To continually praise Him. He will sustain me. He will restore my heart. He is the only who is the same yesterday, today and forever. He does not change.

As my heart ripped open once more and the pain radiated thru my chest, I couldn't help but think of all of the trials I have faced in my life and how they have changed me. I think they have made me more empathetic, compassionate towards others and much less likely to judge. Every person has their battles, some bigger than others. Every person has faced heartache at one time or another. Some have heardened their hearts, not willing to trust again, not wanting to risk the pain of another heartache.

For myself, I pray I learn and grow from this. I pray this pain brings more healing. I pray that my actions speak nothing but grace and humility; that I not react from a place of hurt, may I not retaliate in anger.  May God be glorified. If it brings someone to wonder- who is this God she always relies upon for comfort?
...then the pain is a blessing and I should count it all as joy, even, in the midst of it all.


2 Corinthians 1:3-7
All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort. He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. For the more we suffer for Christ, the more God will shower us with his comfort through Christ. Even when we are weighed down with troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation! For when we ourselves are comforted, we will certainly comfort you. Then you can patiently endure the same things we suffer. We are confident that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in the comfort God gives us.

Hello from the village 🖐

Hi all,
It's been quite some time since I've blogged. This post is more of a letter to all of you who have been asking about my wellbeing and about how I have been since my big move to my little village of Lancaster, Ont.

I am happy. I can honestly say that I am happy. Although I still struggle with my ups and downs & at moments felt panic settle in, I am all in all happy.
As I drive in to work, I am surrounded by the beauty of the sunrise and picture perfect trees and land. It really is beautiful here and an amazing start to every day.
 I drive about 20 minutes to work in the city of Cornwall. There is no traffic and I don't feel the urgency and stress I felt in the city.

My work is definitely challenging but I am surrounded by one of the best teams I have ever encountered. I don't say this lightly..I truly work with a group of girls that know what is required of them and do it gladly. There is a commeradery beyond anything I have ever seen at any other branch. People are genuinely glad for each other's successes and are willing to help each other succeed.
I already feel at home in my office and meeting clients all day long is refreshing. I have met such interesting people!

People. People are so friendly. It baffles me at times, like how friendly the drive thru attendant at Tim Horton's is, every single time. How can I not have a good day after a genuinely friendly hello and an extra large black coffee in hand?

Obviously life is not only pretty scenery and happy people. It does come with some struggles. I have had insomnia for the past week or so (hence the black eyes) - not sure why...but thinking my happy Timmy's may have something to do with it.
I am also struggling with my weight. My medication has definitely ravaged my body and I struggle with how I perceive myself.

The most difficult part about moving has been church. I have yet to find a community that fits. I am confused with denominations and what each entails. I don't like 'church hopping' in search of a home and am finding it very hard to not have community. (Westside, I know you're a skip away..Ill be visiting soon. Please pray 2 things for me... That I find a church and that I remember my worth in God's eyes).

As for the boys...they have adjusted well! I am excited for this cold to pass so we can spend more time outdoors. Their school is awesome and the homework is manageable. (Yay!)
They are glad to have their cousin close and I am happy that they get to grow up together.

We are obviously anxious to have our forever home and our own little space in the country but God bless my mom for taking us in for now. We have adjusted to life together and have settled in a fairly regular routine and rhythm.

Thanks to those who have asked how I have been...thank you for thinking of me and checking in -All in all, overall, I am ok. I'm hanging on to this whirlwind called life and relishing in the beautiful moments it brings me.

Love ya loads.
Cin

Dear KidsQuest child

Dear KidsQuest child.

You may be a child I see every sunday, once in while, at special gatherings or we may not even have met yet but here is my prayer for you.

In Jesus' name, I pray first and foremost for your parents. I pray for them wherever they may be in their walk with Jesus. May their hearts overflow with His love. May He bring them comfort when needed in times of worry and strength when they may feel at a loss. May His peace overwhelm them when they feel overwhelmed.
May they be reminded of His great love for them when they gaze into your eyes. For a child's pure unconditional love for their parent is the closest thing we will ever know to God's love - which is a million times grander.
I pray that they pass this all onto you. May they share Jesus with you. May He be engrained in your household, your conversations, questions and family memories.

I pray for your KQ mentors. May their sundays be guided by the spirit. May they be an example to you and may they grow to be mentors, confidants and friends as the years go by. May the lessons they teach reflect the great wonder of God and may you carry that with you thru the week. I pray you see God in the simplest things. May you see Him in the butterflies and the rainbows. May you see Him in the clouds and hear Him in the clapping of leaves.

Thank you dear child for the joy you bring to our church. I pray wholeheartedly that the lessons you learn today take root in your heart and set a foundation for the person you will become. God has a plan for your life. I hope to be able to see all of the amazing things you will do with Him by your side. (He will always be by your side). And I, hope to always be a source of mentorship and trust for you. But even if, we are only to cross paths for a short time, I am eternally grateful to have had a chance to share Jesus with you and to share the joy found in Him.

I pray that God bless you dear KidsQuest child. He loves you soooo much. Always.

Love
Cindy

For you

My biggest prayer for you is not that you find yourself, that you find happiness, that you succeed. All of these I do wish for you but what I pray is this.

I pray that in the moments you feel all alone, that you feel God's presence and that this void bring you closer to Him.

That in your moments of reflection upon your life and where it has taken you, that you see how God has been faithful through the most difficult times. That ever big decision you have made has been covered in the prayers of others. That a community of people have and are still praying for you.
As you run further and further, I pray that you will one day fall to your knees at the feet of the cross.

I pray that one day..you surrender your life to Jesus Christ. I pray that you be overwhelmed with how much He loves you. I pray that you no longer be blinded and that you no longer be binded. I pray for healing of hurts you don't even acknowledge

My heart cries for you. It is broken for you. I have prayed often to see you as God sees you. I believe I am now at that place. He sees you with hopeful eyes yet at the same times weeps that you have not turned to Him when so often He has given out His hand. He loves you deeply and has not forgotten you.



I pray for salvation. It is not too late. It is not impossible.

Love you in Christ.

Cindy.

Facing difficult questions...

 Do you trust me enough to go to the rock bottom in order for my name to be glorified. Do you trust that I will still be there with you? In the fire pit? In the lion's den? Are you willing to lose your life, your comfort for my work to be done?

#prayforvenezuela

I am so saddened by the situation in Venezuela these days. Horrifying stories and images on social media are being shared to give us an idea of what is going on there and of what they are fighting for. Another set of images that are being propelled onto the web are of Venezuelans burning the Cuban flag. Because of this our facebook feed is filled with Cuban acquaintances posting more and more pictures of Venezuelans insulting Cubans and adding their own insults back to the people of Venezuela.

In no way do I condone the burning of the Cuban flag. This was an ignorant act in my opinion. Cubans are a proud people and they hold a very strong sentimental attachment to their history, culture and flag. This misdirected act has caused strife where I believe should instead be solidarity.

I am saddened that ignorance of some has caused insult to a people as a whole. They are fighting for their rights against a government and not against the people. I am saddened that some Cubans have taken this so much to heart, that they have forgotten what these people are fighting for.

They are fighting for freedom. Something that the Cuban people can definitely relate to. Out of everyone, the Cubans are the most likely to understand what it is to be stripped of your human rights and should be the most capable to empathize with the plight of this country. 

For the moment, they stand on either side throwing insults at each other. I am deeply saddened to see this..since in the end, their prayers are the same.

#prayforvenezuela

God is interested in developing your character. At times He lets you proceed, but He will never let you go too far without discipline to bring you back. In your relationship with God, He may let you make a wrong decision. Then the Spirit of God causes you to recognize that it is not God's will. He guides you back to the right path.
-Henry Blackaby

Stay and Wait - Hillsong United LIVE (Cover)

Santiago de Cuba- A roof over their head.

Joel, the babies and I headed down to Cuba once again this past march. Before leaving we collected funds in order to help rebuild his uncle's home after hurricane Sandy. We were overwhelmed with the generosity and genuine concern of our church community, family and friends. In a matter of days, we raised over $2000!

We really didn't know what to expect when we began thinking of fundraising for his uncle's house. As always, God came through and exceeded every expectation!! 

We stayed in his uncle's town of Santiago de Cuba for only 2 nights before we took a long 17h drive 'home' to Habana. Santiago is a beautiful town which sadly was torn apart by hurricane Sandy. By the time of our trip though, rebuilding was already underway... After months, the streets were finally cleared of all debris.

As all repairs, restorations and rebuild in Cuba...it will be a long time before all is back to the way it was. The government has not provided much aid and whatever donations of materials received by other provinces and countries are being sold at exorbitant prices. Our pastor in Habana was even telling us how the church collected a truckload of clothing for the Sandy victims. Unfortunately, the truck was intercepted by the police and everything was confiscated and never made it to Santiago.

Joel's uncle is still searching for the steel rods needed to continue the roof. For the moment, thankfully, the excess of funds we received have been used to build temporary tin roofing. Tin roofing makes the home feel like a furnace but at least protects them from the wind and rain. They have completely rebuilt the front wall and the side entrance has been cleaned out of debris and repaired. 

We cannot begin to express how grateful Joel's family is as well as how your generosity has blessed them and encouraged us. We are so thankful to all of you. Above all, we are thankful to God, to whom all glory is given! 

Here are a few pictures of before and during our trip.... and a few recent renovation pictures sent to us from his uncle. I will post updates as soon as I receive more news from family. :)

Debris from Sandy

Joel and his uncle Luis walking the boys down his street

The streets of Santiago - finally cleaned of all debris

Roof before

Roof before

Temporary tin roofing :)

The front wall completely torn down and house exposed.

Front wall - Rebuilt :)

Side entrance -wall and window gone, filled with debris

Side entrance rebuilt :)

Luis, Luis jr, Karelia, Joel & I

God knows....

Before I even begin, I know this blog is going to be a difficult one to write. I'm just so overwhelmed with emotion.

God you are so good.

You have blessed us so greatly.

I feel unworthy and am so humbled by your love.


(found in my drafts. Written march 29th 2010)

Emmanuel

My sweet Emmanuel...

I can't believe it has been a year since my last post! So much has transpired since last september and I will really have to set some time aside to write my thoughts, journey and all I have and still am learning. God has blessed us with another beautiful boy that has, just as his brother has, captured my heart. I am now on maternity leave enjoying my time with both of my boys.

I was worried before Manny's arrival about how we would manage with two children. As always, God has provided for us in so many ways. I will definitely have to blog specifically about how he has immensely provided for us soon.

But for now, I just wanted to thank God for bringing Emmanuel into our lives. For blessing me once again with the responsibility of being his mama. Thank you Jesus!!!!

Aleandro's dedication

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Dearest Aleandro,


Today September 11th 2011 was your dedication day and what a beautiful day it was. Mama and Papa, Westside, friends and family all declared, promised, that we will all lead you along this wonderful life ahead constantly pointing and guiding you towards Jesus. Know, my love, that you have a community of people around you that truly care for you. Authentic love does exist.

It is my deepest desire to have you live your life knowing that God loves you. It is my biggest prayer that you be able to turn to Jesus in any situation and that you trust that He will always be there for you.

I pray that you be filled by His spirit, that you be so in love with God and that you follow Him with all of your heart. You cannot even begin to imagine what God can do when you obey and follow Him.
Beleive, my son, that this life means nothing without God in it. Nothing else will ever fulfill you nor complete you.

I cannot force you to follow Jesus, but I will teach you all I know, I will share my heart with you, I will lead you by example and I will pray and pray and pray.
We will continue to live out Proverbs 22:6 for you and I will continue to pray for you all the days of my life.

I love you so much. SO MUCH. I love you infinitely. Jesus loves you even MORE.

Love,
Mama

My purpose..

I am heading back to Cuba in a month. Once again, plans have begun to visit my church and Pastor Gustav.. Since I will be in Cuba alone for a week and a half, I hope to have the opportunity to spend more time with the church whether it be in prayer, relationnally, serving or in worship. I pray that God give me this opportunity.









As well, once again, we hope to visit the orphanage.
Last year, we had the opportunity to bring toys to these 'children of the state' and play with them for a little over an hour. It was one of the best experiences of my life. I am especially fond of this one boy Hector - whom I hope to see again this year. He took me by such surprise last year when he hugged me so tight and with such love after I gave him his Buzz Lightyear doll. I had never felt a hug like that -ever!

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In my last post a year ago..I was amazed at the providence God had over our trip. How He brought donation after donation to our doorstep. I am assured that this year He will do the same. God provides.
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What encouraged me this year is God's wonderful 'coincidences' that lead me to wholeheartedly beleive that He is once more arranging for my trip. I had the opportunity last week to meet with a couple who were visiting our church. The husband is a missionnary who travels to Cuba 5-6 times a year working with the Cuban churches. There are not many organizations in Canada that go into Cuba. His wife gave me the website of the organization he works for (http://www.worldserve.org/) as well as his email.
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They have this program in which one may 'adopt a pastor'. As well, they bring down Bibles and bring support to the churches and missions of these churches. I will definitely be emailing this man this week in order to see if we can arrange that Worldserve come to aid to my little Cuban church and to see if there is any way they could contribute to my visit or any way I can participate or support with their mission and purpose.

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Another encourager was my friend Angie. She brought me a book today called God's Smuggler. It is about Brother Andrew who's mission field was Yugoslav in 1957. Not only was the title perfect (I have often refered to my Cuba travels as smuggle trips) but what was written on the back off the book jumped of the page...
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"Lord, in my luggage I have Scripture that I want to take to Your children across this border. When You were on earth, You made blind eyes see. Now, I pray, that you make seeing eyes blind. Do not let the guards see those things You do not want them to see."

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This is my prayer every time I pass through customs. On one of my facebook picture blogs in 2008 I even wrote.."Praying once again that customs turn a blind eye. So thankful for the donations and opportunity."

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Now, to anyone, these may seem like simple coincidences..that I am reading into things too much..spiritualizing. Bah!!!...time and time again, God has done this for me before a trip. Time and time again, I have been able to bring my suitcases in. And every year..God has done more than the year before. Every year, we are challenged just a little more.

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I love my Cuba trips. I love seeing family. I love seeing many whom I consider friends.I love my church. I love the fact that the kids in the neighbourhood all know that I am the Canadian that brings gifts. I love to see the smile on their faces when presented with a simple gift. These trips are one of the things in my life that brings me such joy, they fill me, fuel me, give me a sense of purpose and always brings me closer to God.

Ohhhhhh one month to go!!! So excited!!!

3 months into motherhood. What Aleandro has taught me.

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- I never thought my heart was capable of containing so much love.

- I've realized even more than before how much I really love new experiences in life.

- God will work things out when you confess your fears to Him and place them in His hands.

- Babies grow really fast. The closet is in constant rotation. Take a picture of that 'favorite outfit' cause he may just wear it once.

- I never thought I could be so excited about the frequency and consistency of one's poo!

- Doing dishes, laundry, moping the floor now feel like great accomplishments in a day.

- Enjoy every moment. Dedicate this maternity leave to him. Everything else is secondary. I will never get these fleeting moments back.

- It's never too early to pray with your child. Ale and I pray together every night.

- My husband still needs to feel loved. Even though my heart overflows with love for Aleandro..there is still enough for Joel.

- My morning 'me time' devoted to spending time with God shapes my day. I am so thankful for it. It is so important. It fuels me.

- I have been humbled by the changes to my body and physique and battle every day with the lies to my self esteem.

- Joel is a fantastic father. It is ok that he does things differently than I do.

- My heart really hurts when my son hurts.

- Aleandro has taught me to look at everyone through a mother's eyes. It has softened my heart and is making me a better person.

- I 'can' do this.

- God must really love me to allow us to raise this little boy. He has given me such a great responsibility and every day I thank Him for the opportunity.

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His Word on my heart.

"Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive and inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is Lord Christ you are serving."

- Colossians3:23-24

Definition of prayer

A friend of mine described prayer as such...I just had to share..

"Prayer is so beautiful..when someone sees your broken bleeding heart, picks it up and hands it to Jesus." -S.Rose

24 hours of prayer

Westside just made it through another 24 hours of continuous prayer. From my own experience and from what I heard from others this was very much needed. It was refreshing and reviving.

For myself, being a new mother, there are very few times that I get to sit in complete silence without any distractions, without a list of things going on through my head to do in the next minutes, hour or day.
I beleive these moments of 'intentional prayer' are much needed and unfortunately with the distractions of this world, they are sometimes difficult to acheive. Although Aleandro was with me, he fell asleep a few minutes into entering the room, so I really had the opportunity to sit.. be still with God..read His word and... just listen.

I left the prayer room refreshed and encouraged. I was reminded of God's promises. As I walked out, I felt like I was standing taller, feeling stronger, standing firmer in my faith and belief of who my God is and what He can do.

I returned to the prayer room that evening for community worship. It was intimate..so real.. so pure..so transparent.
I was amazed to see the walls filled with prayers, cries to God, requests and thanksgiving. It was beautiful. I saw the heart of God's people written out before me. God's heart through our prayers.

His Word on my heart.

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"You show that you are a letter from Christ, the result of our ministry, written not in ink but with the Spirit of the living God, not on tablets but on tablets of human hearts."

2Corinthians 3:3

My intention

I met someone for the first time tonight who has recently (a year or so) come to know Jesus. It was so refreshing and such a reminder to me. It brought me back to all of the experiences I have gone through in the past few years , to the feelings of thirst, the unveiling of truth, the restoration, the healing. It reminded me of the pureness of God's love..

It also reminded me of how transparent I used to be. I beleive that I have become more guarded, more selective and in all honesty lazy...

I went back and reviewed my facebook blogs, and this blog and realized that amongst many other things.. one practice that I need to get back to is blogging.

I never used my blog as a voice to the world, but more so as my journal of thoughts, lessons learnt, experiences. I used to blog often on Sundays after the gathering, collecting my thoughts and impressions.These Sunday blogs forced me to reflect on the message a little while longer, forced me to go a little deeper.

Intention- For any relationship to grow you must be intentional in spending time with the other person.
I must become more intentional about spending time with God.

Church and community

"The church is not something additional or optional. It is at the very heart of God's purposes. Jesus came to create a people who would model what it means to live under His rule. It would be a glorious outpost of the kingdom of God, an embassy of heaven.

This is where the world can see what it truly means to be human. Our identity as human beings is found in community. Our identity as Christians is found in Christ's new community. And our mission takes place through communities of light." - Tim Chester and Steve Timmis