Prayer.

Love that Westside is walking through a series about prayer.
I also know that we are in tune with God's leading because I see so many people on fire about prayer lately.

It's amazing.

Follow me.- Today

First of all.. To my God.
Lord forgive me.

And to you... I am so sorry.

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow." - James 4:14

I learnt this the hard way tonight. I truly believe that this is the first time that I am fully aware that I missed out on a blessing. That Jesus cried out "Follow me" and I replied .. "tuesday".

It is not that I did not have it on my heart to do what the Lord called me to do. I was just ... busy. Imagine that.. don't I feel sheepish now? Actually, I feel much worse.

Lord, I pray, that the next time you place something on my heart.. I drop everything to follow you.

If you believe that God is calling you to do something. Do it now. Follow. Do not tarry. Nothing is more important and all other things (which in hindsight are simply details) can wait.

"Act decidedly and take the consequences. No good deed was ever done by hesitation."

Thomas Henry Huxley

"Nonna" .. Rispoci in Pace. I know you are with the Lord. I will continue joining you in your prayers for your loved ones. Without ever meeting you have touched my heart. Thank you.

Crisis.

Ironic that I am not worried about the state of the markets these days. I have been trained to tell you that it is because I believe in the historical trends of the markets, that we have been in worse situations before, that you must think long term. As a financial advisor, I could show you graph upon graph to prove these facts to you. All of this is true.
But here is a place where I share my heart. Where I lay down all personalities I portray in my day to day, and stand with nothing but my core. The reason I don't worry about the state of the markets is because I believe there are more important things in this world. I have put much thought into this.. what if I lost all my savings? what if I lost my house? What if I lost my job? What...would I do? I would still be able to find work, still be able to find shelter and still be able to eat. And I would still have God.
We live in a society where jobs are abundant. We live in a society where we can go to the dollar store and buy a can of soup.
Every thing I have is a blessing.
I was told this week, that after the hurricanes in Cuba, food.. basic food such as eggs and bread have become scarce. No matter how many pesos they may have in their pockets, there is no food to buy! This news really put things into perspective for me. As we sit here dreaming about retiring in Riviera Maya instead of Riviere du Loup & trying to stretch our savings to last us 30 years... there are people in this world left starving who are trying to stretch their ration of bread to last them a week.

Anniversaries.

Someone told me this week that I am the girl of anniversaries. It's true.. certain dates remain very important to me. The 16th is one.. I met Jesus on the 16th of June 2007. I was baptised one year ago, on the 16th of September.

I do hold on to anniversaries.. they are a way for me to pause.. to stop planning the future, to stop living in the moment and to simply pause and look back, remember, the wonderful things Christ has done.
My life today, is beyond anything I could of ever imagined. This past year has been nothing but a blessing. Looking back, through trials, tribulations, successes and failures.. Jesus has been right by my side. He has been present in every single aspect, every facet of my day to day life. He has kept His promises, not one has He broken.

I have grown in my faith. I have learnt so much about myself, about others, about Him. I have learnt to listen to the Spirit within me. I know His voice.

I am still so deeply in love with my Jesus. Beyond all He has done for me.. it is His love that keeps me. True pure love.

So on this anniversary, Lord I thank you. I thank you for the past year and thank you for today.

Leadership

Do you have any words that you just can't stand?
The words 'leadership' and 'leader' are two words that when I hear send shivers down my spine like nails on a chalkboard or aluminium gritting my teeth.. (yup that bad..)

Here is my gripe with these words.. they feel puffed up... prideful.
I am slowly working through this and apologize if I offend anyone.. it is an issue of mine that I am working to resolve.
I am slowly coming to realize that I have to let go of my association of the word 'leader' with other words such as command, authority, control, captaincy, rule (all found on online thesaurus) and have to get the negative connotation of the word out of my mind.

It's funny because the word has come up often in the past few days.. many people telling me I may just be a leader.. would be a great 'manager' ... and I just don't see it.. (or just don't want the title?)
If I were to be a leader.. I would want to be amongst my people. Down in the dirt with them, sleeves rolled high. A servant leader? I beleive a true leader is one who wants his people to be leaders. Hmmm.... an Encourager. (is that a word?) I would want no power.. would simply want to empower others. I feel great joy when someone I believe in begins to believe in themselves. (And maybe that is the great joy these 'leaders' feel also..hmmm...)

Again, I apologize.. my thoughts are simply processing here..

When God hears your prayers.

Bits and pieces from my journal...
August 5
Lord, I long for connection. Does this walk have to be a lonely one? Can I not connect with others? Forgive me Jesus if my thoughts are misplaced. I am simply searching for what it is I have been trying to fill. What is it that is so lacking that I would resort to old ways..

I long for a group of people I can simply 'be' with. I ask Lord that you guide me through this time and stay with me Jesus.

I pray about these feelings I have about my community. I long for friendships with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I wish we could enjoy our company outside of Sundays. I pray for true and deep relationships.

It was lacking & I resorted to finding it in the world. Forgive me Jesus.

I pray for Westside. For true friendships. For a weekly, daily community. Not just Sundays. Help me take the steps to reach out. Help me try Lord. And if all else fails.. I will trust in you Lord.



My Daily Devotional email sent to me this morning...
August 10
BIBLE MEDITATION:
“For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there am I in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:20

DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT:There is something wonderful about unity. I heard about a fellow who courted a girl by writing her a beautiful love letter every day for two years. He thought that would be a wonderful way to court her. Do you know what happened? She married the mail carrier! There is nothing like being there. There is nothing like personal contact. There is a sense in which Jesus Christ is present when His people gather that’s not in any other sense. You cannot get it the same way at home.

ACTION POINT:Do you have a church home? If not, I encourage you to find one today. If church attendance isn’t important, I wonder why Satan works so hard to keep folks away. If you do have a church home, make a special effort this week to meet a new friend and find a need they have which you can meet

Today's Sunday Gathering..
Focusing on community, church...

Acts 2 42-47
And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.
And fear came upon every soul: and many wonders and signs were done by the apostles.
And all that believed were together, and had all things common;
And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.
And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart,
Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved.

My confession.
I need my community. I need a tight circle because I cannot fight alone. I attempted to find these relationships in the world and it led me to sin. The world is very enticing. I describe it as.. a steak which tastes like heaven..better than heaven.. but never fills you. You are hungry..starving.. so you keep, day after day, eating that one steak..which looks so good and tastes so sweet..but which never fills you.
It broke my heart and tore at my spirit. It led me to believe lies. I am not strong enough to fight alone. I feel like I'm drowing...and it breaks my heart.
Forgive me for not trying harder. Forgive me for the bitterness in my heart. Forgive me for beleiving lies.

Lord.. after all I have done, I cannot even begin to comprehend how you would hear my prayers. I thank you for meeting me in the dirtiest, darkest places. Thank you for showing me how much I mean to you..And for loving me when I feel like I am undeserving of even singing your name. Jesus.. I know you are with me. Fighting by my side when I am about to give up. The deepest desire of my heart Lord is to always be in your presence and to please you Lord. Forgive me for not living it out. Forgive me for being too weak to fight at times. Forgive me for doubting that you will fight for me.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you.

Caught my eye

This blog caught my attention today...


http://thelayerfamily.blogspot.com/2008/05/some-pictures-are-coming-later.html


Still praying, mulling through alot these days.
May not yet find roots.. but as I lay my heart open..God will keep digging.

Red light.

Blog to come soon...

Ready to walk.

Decided it's time to go home.

Thank God.

Holding on and rebuking lies.

On the inside.

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My Spirit constantly weeps.

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