Prayer meeting

Joined Westside for prayer this evening. It was invigorating and refreshing.

Praying for others and prayers of thankfulness and gratitude definitely made me feel closer to God tonight.

My husband.

It is 7am and Joel has just left for a new job. It is a temporary position with a kitchen accessory store. He somehow managed to make a deal with the manager to work for them sporadic days in order to still be able to look for a better job.

I am thankful that this woman gave him this opportunity.

I have never met a more determined man. He does not let things get him down for too long and just keeps pushing forward. Although still within reason, he dreams much bigger than I do. This is slowly teaching me to let go and to beleive that big dreams through hard work could 'possibly' be attainable (I'm working on it.)

There are times where I overhear Joel being interviewed over the phone in french (which he only began speaking last year) and am so proud. I am so so proud and in awe. I put myself in his shoes and it sends a pang straight to my heart.

I am so thankful for Joel. I pray for the right opportunities to open up before him, that we continue to trust that we are simply in waiting and that God is preparing him for that 'perfect' job. I pray that God bring his dreams to fruition.

Love.

As I search to be closer to Jesus and as I pray to have more faith, I am often drawn to all of the blessings he has brought to my life. I am thankful because I have truly been so so blessed in the past 3 years.

Nonetheless, I am now searching beyond those memories. I want to be thankful to God for who He is.. beyond all that He has done for me.

I am searching to love Him with a deeper love. I want to love Him simply because of who He is, who He has been and who He will always be.

Waiting....

As I wait on news from a company on whether or not my husband got the job..I hold on to the promise that God made me.

He provides.
In His time.
When we have faith.

Over and over again, God has reminded me that He will always come through. The result is not always what is expected, which that in itself is sometimes hard to accept. Nonetheless, looking back... God has had providence in my life.

I pray more than anything.. for more faith. To trust that whatever may come, God has it all under control.

A pause to remember..

June 16th. Without fail, a day every year where I am reminded of all that God has done and how great He is.. A day where I look back and reflect. An anniversary which allows me the time to pause for a moment and thank God.

"Give thanks to the Lord and pray to him.
Tell the nations what he has done.
Sing to him; sing praises to him.
Tell about all his miracles.
Be glad that you are his;
Let those who seek the Lord be happy.
Depend on the Lord and his strength;
always go to him for help.
Remember the miracles he has done;
remember his wonders and his decisions.
You are descendants of his servant Abraham,
the children of Jacob, his chosen people.
He is the Lord our God.
His laws are for all the world.
He will keep his agreement forever;
He will keep his promises always."

Psalm 105: 1-8 NCV.

God provides

This is an image of one of my first trips to Cuba. At the time, I thought that the amount of stuff I was bringing down was alot.. Throughout the years, it has multiplied and God has always provided.





In the past years, I have had more than one missionary couple help me along the way. One trip, I received 4 garbage bags of brand new tshirts. Another time, a client dropped off all of his childrens' old toys.


Every time, God has provided, He has always made it possible to bring the gifts down and has always gotten me through customs.


It is my ongoing prayer that God continue pressing me towards Cuba... a few months ago I wrote:
" Take my dreams. Lord give them wings. Lord with you, there's nothing I cannot do. Lord give me the conviction to continue. Lord rearrange all circumstances and push me back.."


And He has.. financially, with perfect timing, and through donations galore.. He is giving me the conviction to continue and arranging all circumstances pushing me back.


These trips for Cuba (and the preparation for them) are the moments in my life that bring me the greatest joy. I would love to spend my life collecting and giving.

Looking back at the picture above and now standing amongst today's donations (below)... it's just amazing to see where God has brought me.




I have to admit.. I am nervous about this trip. It's a good thing though..it keeps me trusting God. Trusting that all this stuff will fit into my suitcases, that I will be within the allowable weight and that He get us through customs. Trusting that every piece brought down has its purpose and that He will guide us as we find its recipients.. Trsuting that He put this all on my heart and that He is always at work. Trusting He will teach me, remind me, help me bring Him glory through it all.



(If you read this blog before our return May 3rd.. please keep us in prayer. THANKS!!!!!!!!)

On my heart.

God,
you are so good to me.

Thank you Jesus.

Little one. Silent one. Do you know your design speaks to the hand of God?

7 weeks or so...
I still cannot believe it. This little life inside. I am so thankful for this beautiful gift and great responsibility.
I was given this life. I keep thinking about how amazing it is that even before Joel and I began to plan, our little life was already in God's plans.
God chose us to be this little one's parents & family. It is overwhelming to think and completly floors me.
GOD I AM SO GRATEFUL!
I am so amazed...


God... I am so amazed..

Already 6 to 8 weeks in, my baby's heart has begun to beat and blood has begun to circulate throughout his body. His umbilical cord will start to form, as will his head, eyes, intestines and liver.

God..
You made all the delicate, inner parts of this body and knit it together in my womb. Thank you for making my little one so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous -how well I know it. You watch as my little one is being formed in utter seclusion, as my little one is woven together in my dark womb. You see my little one before he or she is born. Every day of my little one's life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. (From Psalm 139)

Lord, Thank you. Thank you for my little one. Please help me protect this little life inside of me. Keep this baby safe and healthy Lord.

From birth I was cast upon you; from my mother's womb you have been my God.

Ranting...

I'm angry. And I need an outlet.

Was reminded of my blog today. The existence of it. With this reminder, I experienced, just as I have been for a while now, a tinge of guilt for not blogging more. For not capturing the good, the bad, the struggles and sometimes even the silence...

So even though, my return is an angry one.. I'm here, I'm back.

I don't like feeling this way. I was in a very heated discussion..ok..honestly, it turned into a downright screaming argument..with my condo association. I am angry that they are either lying now, or were lying two months ago..either way..at some point they lied.

I prayed beforehand.. but it definitely didn't turn out the way I prayed for.. SIGH............

I need to relieve this feeling on my chest.. of anger.. and disappointment..and anger..and anger..

........
.....

Last week... exhale...
Last week was an amazing week. I felt revival. I felt closer to God than I have in a while. It was an answer to much prayer and yearning. And it involved more and more prayer.

On tuesday I had a small group over. There was transparency in the air, open heart and confession. And although there was much darkness divulged, I would rather see darkness brought to light than it mulling up in someone's heart. I would rather the lies of the enemy be said out loud where we can rebuke them than to let them continue being whispered into someone's ear. It was a good night. A very good night. And I know God was amongst us.

I also had a group of girls over this saturday for prayer. We prayed big prayers. We prayed many prayers. We prayed more so for others than for our own struggles..Many tears flowed as we prayed for the men in our lives. It was a good morning. A very good morning.

Yesterday, I prayed before Westside. I prayed for every heart standing before me. I prayed that God meet them whereever they may be on their walk..that He meet them right there. And I meant it with all my heart.
I also worshipped fully and wholeheartedly and it felt awesome. I did not want it to end. I was on fire. God filled my spirit.
As we took communion, I meditated on Jesus' blood, washing over my sins. I felt cleansed and renewed by the blood of Christ. I thanked Him. I thanked Him for His sacrifice, for His grace, for His blood, for His love for me.
The message, Rooted in Love, reminded me that God still spoke to me. And that I still hear him. The verse Dave gave us..I had given (modified) to someone a few days before she passed away..

"This is my daughter whom I love; with her I am well pleased."

.

Yes.. it was a good Sunday. A very good sunday.

...

Now, I sit here monday night..ready to finish the questions for my new small group beginning tomorrow. We are studying Joshua and I'm very excited to see what God has planned for this group. There are many new faces and much restoration needed. I can't wait to see what God will do!!!!!!!

I am so thankful for the week I just had..and for the week ahead.

All in all.. It's been a good night. A very good night. I know God is still with me. :)

Toby. Jesus loves you.

Last weekend a great friend of mine and I went out. Before the night began, we had prayed that God show us what He wanted us to see and that He surround us with angels because my friend has such a heart for Montreal and it's people. So where better to go than the heart of downtown Montreal to gain perspective on this city..

My heart is not at the same place. I'm not sure if it is a bad thing to say.. although I care for people in this city and would gladly help her on her Montreal mission.. it is not my passion. It is not what makes my heart break to pieces. Oh..I just feel horrible saying that. I guess, I just feel like God places different heartbreaks on different peoples hearts cause one person can't do it all, and we each have a place and mission of our own.. all for the greater good of this world.. all in the name of Jesus.

Anyways, that being said.. we met a man named Toby on the street. He was standing on the sidewalk begging for money with a handwritten "beer fund" sign in his hands. We passed him once and then on the way to the car passed him again. Something about this 'Toby'.. something inside me just told me to not ignore this man.

So, I reached into my purse.

HA, at that point, my friend told me "You aren't really going to fund his addiction are you????"

I said; "No... I'm going to buy a prayer"

Now, I am sure the small change I gave him made no big dent in his 'beer fund'.. but it did open the door.. He let me pray over him!!

Anyone that knows me well, knows that it is very difficult for me to pray out loud. I do pray..ALOT.. but mostly in writing. My journal is more a collection of prayers and discussions with God than anything else..

This is what makes me beleive that the words I prayed over Toby where not my own, but God's wish for him. God wanted this man to know that He loves him and that he could change his life and bring him true joy, hope and LIFE.

Afterwards, we got a little insight as he told us a bit about his life. He has been living on the streets for the past ten years, begs for money (sometimes just out of lack of having anything else to do), and hear this, muffled under his breath, is somewhat getting tired of it..

We then encountered a deaf-mute elderly man sitting on the pavement. He was desperately making signs to drop change into his baseball cap. So.. I took out more change, squatted beside him and put my hands together and 'signed' to him that I was going to pray for him. Again, the words just came.. What was beautiful to see was that as I blurted out my prayer close into his ear.. he calmed down, stopped signing for change for a moment, pulled hard at his earlobe, closed his eyes.. and listened.

All of the praise and glory goes to Jesus. If it weren't for God..haha, there is no way I would be praying out loud that night. It is awesome that God would use a stranger to tell these men how much he loves them. That He would use a mule like me to talk. That without even my realizing it.. I was praying over men on a busy downtown sidewalk..words flowing out of my mouth.

JESUS you are truly awesome!! Thank you so much for letting me be a part of your conversation with the world that night.

Once home though, I couldn't fall asleep. All I could think was how great it would have been to have a place to bring this man. It got me thinking about how sad it is that our churches are closed most of the week and that the 'safest places on earth' are closed during the most dangerous times of the night. I started imagining people, broken, desperate, lost... thinking their last hope may lay in the hands God..crying at the door of a church.. courageously pulling at the door..only to realize.. it's doors are locked.

I guess that is why God sends his church out into the world. We just have to make sure we don't lock the door...