For you. Just because.

I will never be able to fix your problems, I cannot heal your heart...all I can do is listen and pray because I trust in my heart that He will do the rest.

Lord, I thank you. From the bottom of my heart all I feel is love for you and eternal gratitude. By grace, I was saved. GRACE. Thank you.

I pray Lord, that she find peace. That you search her heart. You know her desires, aspirations, dreams.. may she trust in you Lord and may you lead her to happiness. In her turmoil, distress, may you shine, may you be her lighthouse.

Please Lord.. may her faith never falter and may she always see the beauty in your grace.

Jesus, I pray for him.. may he realize how much you truly love him. May he know in his heart that his transgressions are forgiven. May he move on and walk Lord, without always having to look back. Break him free of the chains he has created.Speak to him Lord, console him, comfort him. Protect him and his loved ones.

For them I pray.. may they come to see you Jesus. I pray that they see the light. And that when surrounded by darkness, they search the light and run towards it. Sometimes.. all they need is to feel the warmth in order to find the source of light.

For him, Jesus… please guide his steps.. He is so close, yet chooses not to hear. Break down those walls Jesus. Be bold and maybe he will one day give you all of him. For this I pray with all of my heart. Keep him safe.

For her, I pray. Let her get through these difficult times. Watch over her and her family. Give her strength and draw her near. She is surrounded by darkness..

For them, help me Jesus, answer any questions they may have, in whichever way you see fit. Speak through me.

For him.. show him Lord that there is so much more than the life he is leading. And that that path leads to nowhere. Give him awareness.

For them, I pray.. I do not know what is resting in their hearts, I do not know what they need. But for them I pray. You know, and through you.. everything is possible.

I pray for them... Heal them. Strengthen them. Teach them. Protect them. Carry them. Guide them.

I thank you Jesus for the beautiful things I have seen. I thank you for the gifts, the lessons, the tears and smiles..I thank you for bringing all of these people onto my path, whether they be simply crossing or walking right beside me. I am overwhelmed with love for you and wish nothing more for everyone here.

With my eyes and heart fixed on only you Jesus, for them I pray.

Thankful

Thank you Lord for keeping my friend safe.

Thank you Jesus for a beautiful day.

Prayer for him.

"The LORD is near to all who call on him,

to all who call on him in truth."

Jesus, I pray for my friend who is in the hospital tonight. I feel physically helpless, nonetheless, with you by my side, helpless I am not. Thank you Jesus.

Please Lord, heal him. Bold statement, but many have beleived in the past and you have healed. I beleive that you can heal him. I ask that you place your hand on his chest and your hand on his head and that you heal him. This man loves you Jesus more than anything and has such respect and love for your children.
Please let him know that you are right by his side and that you will not let him go. Please be with him.

I know Jesus that it is all in your hands, I know that you already have our path set out for us. But I also know that he is not done knowing you, praising you and loving you and that you have far bigger things prepared for him Lord. This man has guided me, scolded me, consoled me and brought me closer to you Jesus.. Through him, you have shown me beautiful wonders.

Jesus, please.. heal him.

Words brought to me in 3s

Grace. Grace. Grace.

Heard it in threes and on top of that was immediately confirmed to me through the voice of a friend. Don't know where it will lead me, but wanted to write it down to look back on when I do.
Floored.

Thank you Jesus.

Thoughts...

Thankful.

My Elijah

"Elijah went up by a whirlwind into heaven.

And Elisha . . . saw him no more"

2 Kings 2:11-12

"This Experience Must Come
It is not wrong for you to depend on your "Elijah" for as long as God gives him to you. But remember that the time will come when he must leave and will no longer be your guide and your leader, because God does not intend for him to stay. Even the thought of that causes you to say, "I cannot continue without my ’Elijah.’ " Yet God says you must continue.

Alone at Your "Jordan" ( Kings 2:14 ). The Jordan River represents the type of separation where you have no fellowship with anyone else, and where no one else can take your responsibility from you. You now have to put to the test what you learned when you were with your "Elijah." You have been to the Jordan over and over again with Elijah, but now you are facing it alone. There is no use in saying that you cannot go— the experience is here, and you must go. If you truly want to know whether or not God is the God your faith believes Him to be, then go through your "Jordan" alone.

Alone at Your "Jericho" ( 2 Kings 2:15 ). Jericho represents the place where you have seen your "Elijah" do great things. Yet when you come alone to your "Jericho," you have a strong reluctance to take the initiative and trust in God, wanting, instead, for someone else to take it for you. But if you remain true to what you learned while with your "Elijah," you will receive a sign, as Elisha did, that God is with you.

Alone at Your "Bethel" ( 2 Kings 2:23 ). At your "Bethel" you will find yourself at your wits’ end but at the beginning of God’s wisdom. When you come to your wits’ end and feel inclined to panic— don’t! Stand true to God and He will bring out His truth in a way that will make your life an expression of worship. Put into practice what you learned while with your "Elijah"— use his mantle and pray ( 2 Kings 2:13-14 ). Make a determination to trust in God, and do not even look for Elijah anymore." -THIS EXPERIENCE MUST COME Oswald Chambers

The way I see it....

I am so so thankful to have you in my life. I thank God for bringing you.
Through you, I have heard Jesus..
Through you, he has taught me, guided me, comforted me. You don't even realize the confirmations I hear through the words you say..
You may not even realize that the moments you appear usually mean and confirm so much to me and that often, it is our Lord that sent you...
Nonetheless, I know that in tribulations, you are not the one I need to turn to..
I know in my heart that when I do turn to you, you will simply point me in His direction.
I now know what direction that is..


Elijah, I thank you.
Lord, I thank you for Elijah.

Awareness

Realized today as I walked down the street.. the same street I have walked up and down for the past two years.. how aware I was.
Aware of the fact that my feet were on the same pavement they have always walked but also aware that I was not walking in the same world I was before.
Or at least it feels like it... It is the same world... but now I am aware.

I see things I have always seen in a whole different light.. and I see things I would never even imagine seeing.
I see the good.. the immense, beautiful, unbelievable good.
And I see the darkness.

Although it's a gift, awareness is not always easy to bear.
I am aware of my actions, the consequences, I recognize my emotions, my shortcomings, my talents.
It is not always pleasant to see it all. Because sometimes you see things you know you must deal with and know it would have been a much easier route to walk blindly.

I don't just live... I see.
And from what I see.. I must learn.

RAW

"Behold, happy is the man whom God correcteth:

therefore despise not thou the chastening of the Almighty:
For he maketh sore, and bindeth up: he woundeth, and his hands make whole."

Job 5:17-18

Raw.. my heart feels raw.

Here's a bit of my story.. can't tell it all.. there's no need - it's between God and I..

But some people who have met me lately may not see the Cindy that lays beneath.. may not have known the Cindy that is now transforming..

So many layers of filth have to be removed before we get to my core.. So much hurt, disregard, anger, sin..

I have been through more than my share of abuse. Abuse from men, abuse of men, abuse of myself.

Only now that I have stopped drinking, have I realized how dependant I was on it. I would tell myself to slow down after 15 drinks.. An acquaintance of mine told me a few days ago that I really drank alot, had quite the tolerance, especially for a woman.. Now, why didn't anyone tell me back then? (Ahh yes, my anger)
It numbed me. And to now be in a state that I actually have to deal with life - let me tell you, it's far from pleasant!

Near the end.. hmmm...I should say my beginning.. I lost complete regard for myself and all people surrounding me. I can honestly say that I really didn't care.

Now on to the rage.. another defense mechanism that never turned out too well..I used to feel it intensify in my heart until I completly lashed out. I still sometimes feel anger these days, but rage?

Hmm.. the men.. hardest thing to be honest about. The only word that could equate to my view on love was 'conquered'. I conquered men or at least I tried.

I was self-centered, insecure & proud..
I made myself out to be a much harder person than what was truly on the inside.

So.. now that I am on this new walk.. I have to face this all. I have to face it, break it down to the core and then let it go.

Not very pretty is it?
I have never had to look at the dark corners of my heart, have never had to feel the pain, the ugliness of it all. Back then, I had three choices when dealing with filth - run away, rage against it, or drink.

I now have three new choices before me...

See with my eyes, hear with my ears and understand with my heart.

Letting go

Sometimes our hearts are no longer calloused but ... there are still some pebbles left that we are not willing to let go of.

Jesus wants all of our heart.... all of our heart!!

You pray that he fill the void in your heart, heal the pain, but you aren't willing to let go of that one pebble. You hide it in the deep corners of your heart.
And then you ask why you suffer so?? Why do you feel so torn?
If you ask me... a pebble sounds pretty painful no matter how small.. And you know what?? A void sounds so much more appeasing...

Do not get me wrong.. I am not making light of this at all!!

The way I see it..

Our hearts are like gardens..
during our walk.. Jesus weeds.. he takes out all of the bad and in time, replaces it with beauty.
But you may have this one flower that you are not willing to lose.. you've cultivated it, you've loved it and you just won't let go. And during that time, the root just dug deeper and deeper..
In your walk, you may have tried to let go .. by cutting off the stem..
My friend.. the root is still there.
Once in a while, Jesus will tug at that root.. AND IT WILL HURT..

You must be willing to let it go.. and he will take it away..

and in time.. he will replace it.

I have seen the pain of letting go.. The ripping effect you feel in your heart when you are finally ready to let go. It's not that you don't trust that Jesus will fill the void, it's just that it's too painful to deal with.

But he won't let you sacrifice something you've held on to and not be there to comfort you.

He knows pain, He knows sacrifice..
He died on the cross!! And He did it alone...

He will comfort you.

Reminder.

Keep your eyes on me and you will always be safe.

Thoughts..New Walk

As I have mentioned Jesus talks to me in such a unique manner. When I do hear him, he is bold. Often, he speaks to me through complete strangers. Last night was a hard lesson learned.
Learnt alot....

I am new in this walk and although I may feel like a lion sometimes, that may be my weakest points. Because then my focus is turned on myself and not on Jesus. Pride, power... weakness.
My faith is fragile. I cannot always stand tall, I alone cannot overcome.

I must guard my heart and at the same time, am accountable for the soul of others.

My understanding of sin was also warped.. Funny, you read, but do not always retain. I understood that my past transgressions were forgiven. Did not understand that those to come were also.
Unfortunately, walking with Christ does not mean that we are free from sin. Our flesh is never free from sin. Even when you love Jesus with all of your heart, you are still not free from sin.

I am forgiven but that does not mean I should go out and sin again. I am free, but that does not mean that sin no longer has a price.

He is always there..
Even when I tried to turn my back, close my eyes and not hear. He was there. He yanked me back. He yelled, sreamed so I could hear. And I heard.

And then softly, lovingly, through a complete stranger as I got back on the right path.. .. he whispered..... "That was not wise".