I am God's. I will overcome and you will hear ME roar.

The devil wants me.. I feel it. He's there, close. Waiting for me to fall. Hoping that temptation lead me to sin. Hoping that if I do fall, I give up & go back to 'easier' ways. He's waiting to pounce.

A few nights ago, felt his presence stronger than ever... but I prayed and (Thank God) it passed.
He can never snatch me out of God's hand, and God will not let me be tempted with anything that He knows I cannot handle.

I can hear him through the words of others. It's so clear - it's ridiculous!!
"Cindy, come back to the dark side"
"Come back to our team"
"You'll be back."

The way I see it....
First of all, I was on the front lines of the devil's team. He's not too happy to have lost a soldier.
And he knows my ways, so he knows how strong & faithful I can be whether it be for good or evil.
Therefore I have now become a threat.

The devil will stay close when I am at my weakest. And he knows my weaknesses. In my lowest lows, he gave me my highest highs.

He knows
.... God has plans for me. ; )

and God in all of this?? Why does he let me see these temptations??
Because He knows that once I overcome, my faith will be that much stronger. There are lessons in this walk that need to be learnt the hard way.
And He will always provide a way out... it just all comes back to choice.

"Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour. "

Peter 5:8

Thoughts

Praying...
I feel that often we pray asking for what we want, desire, or feel we need. My understanding is that what we want is not always what is best.

I do beleive we do receive some things on silver platters.. but they are gifts. Free gifts. Simply because he loves us.

I ask that I be able to give him everything of me on a silver platter. May he hold my wants, desires and needs. May I be able to lift both hands in the air and let him decide. Let him take away what should not be and let him give me what should.

"If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given. But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering: for he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. For let not man think that he shall receive any thing of the Lord"

James 1:5-7

Who am I to know what is best for me? Who am I in comparison to God? He already knows my path.. why in the world would I not trust him to show me the way?

"When thou wast young, thou girdedst thyself, and walkedst whither thou wouldest: but when thou shalt be old, thou shalt stretch forth thy hands, and another shall gird thee, and carry thee wither thou wouldest not" John 21:18

In the past, I always got what I wanted... honestly, always! That was not God. It was not based on faith or trust. More so on power. And power can lead you to very dark places. The devil will give you all your heart desires. Unlike God, the devil's gifts are never free -there is a price. You may not see it, blinded by that power, but there is always a price.



So therefore, kneeling before God, I humble myself. May what He wants - be given.

Reminder

Avoid the illusions and dishonesty of infatuation -

"The beginning phase of recovery is always a very emotional and painful time. Still, all this pain can be an important motivator for recovery, providing great incentive to take the difficult steps necessary for real change to occur. However, "falling in love" (and taking the focus off self) can easily create a false sense of well-being. In the "scary," unfamiliar, and often painful time of early recovery, becoming "special" to a person of the opposite sex is a tremendous ego booster. This can create the illusion of being much farther long in the process of recovery than they really are. Additionally, the commitment to "rigorous honesty" is usually forsaken as they strive to make the best possible impression to win the affections of the other person. "

A reminder for myself when my head is in the clouds. Stay honest, transparent and true. Stay focused on how I got here. Stay focused on who saved me.
Keep both feet grounded and always remember...

DMX -Lord give me a sign.

Lord Give me a sign.

I really need to talk to you lord
cause since the last time we talked the walk has been hard
and I Know u havent left me but I feel like Im alone
Im a big boy now but Im still not grown
And I'm still goin through it (WHAT!), pain and the hurt (YEAH!)
Soakin up trouble like rain in the dirt (YEAH!)
And I know! If only I can stop the rain
With just the mention of my savior's name.. in the name of Jesus!
Devil I rebuke you, for what I go through
Been tryna make me do, what I used to (WHAT!)
But all that stops right here (YEAH!)
As long as the Lord's in my life, I will have no fear
I will know no pain from the light to the dark (COME ON!)
I will no show no shame, spit it right from the heart (COME ON!)
'Cause it's right from the start, you held me down
And ain't.. nothin they can tell me now!

Let me know what's on yo' mind
Let me know what I'm gon' find
It's all in time, show me how to teach the mind
Show me how to reach the blind (LORD GIVE ME A SIGN!)
Show me what I gotsta do, to bring me closer to you
As I'ma go through, whatever you want me to
Just let me know what to do (LORD GIVE ME A SIGN!)
Please, show me some'n (some'n)
I'm tired talkin to him, knowin he frontin (frontin)
Cryin 'bout, "Life ain't nothin" (nothin)
But you either, be the one mad 'cause you trapped or the one huntin (COME ON!)
Trapped in yo' own mind, waitin on the Lord (YEAH!)
Or huntin with the word that cuts like a sword

The spoken word is stronger than, the strongest man
Carries the whole world like the strongest hand
Through the trials and tribulations, you never let us down JESUS!
I know you're here with us nowJESUS!
I know you're still with us now
Keep it real with us now, I wanna feel, show me how PLEASE! Let me take yo' hand, guide me! (WHAT!)
I'll walk slow but stay right beside me!(PLEASE!)
Devil's tryna find me! (PLEASE!)Hide me! Hold up, I take that back
Protect me and give me the strength to fight back! (LORD GIVE ME A SIGN!)

Life or death, live or die
I will never live a lie
I'm gon' get because I try
I won't quit until I die
I'm gon' make it, wrong or right
And make it through the darkest time
And when the morning comes, you'll see that all I have is God in me! (LORD GIVE ME A SIGN!)

Remembering..

June 16th 2007 .
Out of the blue, when I least expected it, through someone I least expected ... Jesus knocked on my door. All this time, all my life, I was walking- no - running in utter darkness. On June 16th... I was told to stop running... on June 16th, I was pointed in another direction... I was told to go THAT WAY.

After that one knock.. that one glimmer of light... I witnessed unbeleivable and beautiful things. Although I always had the choice to continue blindly through this wretched life.. how could I?
I met Jesus.

Since that day, my life, in such a short time has changed in ways I could not even imagine. I have changed in ways even I sometimes have trouble grasping.

It has been such a beautiful month. It has been a difficult month.

I write this now because I must hold on to what I have seen and felt. I REFUSE to turn my back.

I have lost many 'friends'... the phone has stopped ringing.. the nights out have grown few.
It is a choice I have taken. One that is not always easy to accept.

Nonetheless.. I must remember.. I must trust... Which path is better? The dark path filled with others walking with you.. which leads you nowhere? OR The temporarily lonely path with a light shining at the end?

Remembering... Trusting.... I choose to walk towards the light.

I choose to go That Way.... His Way.