A pause to remember..

June 16th. Without fail, a day every year where I am reminded of all that God has done and how great He is.. A day where I look back and reflect. An anniversary which allows me the time to pause for a moment and thank God.

"Give thanks to the Lord and pray to him.
Tell the nations what he has done.
Sing to him; sing praises to him.
Tell about all his miracles.
Be glad that you are his;
Let those who seek the Lord be happy.
Depend on the Lord and his strength;
always go to him for help.
Remember the miracles he has done;
remember his wonders and his decisions.
You are descendants of his servant Abraham,
the children of Jacob, his chosen people.
He is the Lord our God.
His laws are for all the world.
He will keep his agreement forever;
He will keep his promises always."

Psalm 105: 1-8 NCV.

Toby. Jesus loves you.

Last weekend a great friend of mine and I went out. Before the night began, we had prayed that God show us what He wanted us to see and that He surround us with angels because my friend has such a heart for Montreal and it's people. So where better to go than the heart of downtown Montreal to gain perspective on this city..

My heart is not at the same place. I'm not sure if it is a bad thing to say.. although I care for people in this city and would gladly help her on her Montreal mission.. it is not my passion. It is not what makes my heart break to pieces. Oh..I just feel horrible saying that. I guess, I just feel like God places different heartbreaks on different peoples hearts cause one person can't do it all, and we each have a place and mission of our own.. all for the greater good of this world.. all in the name of Jesus.

Anyways, that being said.. we met a man named Toby on the street. He was standing on the sidewalk begging for money with a handwritten "beer fund" sign in his hands. We passed him once and then on the way to the car passed him again. Something about this 'Toby'.. something inside me just told me to not ignore this man.

So, I reached into my purse.

HA, at that point, my friend told me "You aren't really going to fund his addiction are you????"

I said; "No... I'm going to buy a prayer"

Now, I am sure the small change I gave him made no big dent in his 'beer fund'.. but it did open the door.. He let me pray over him!!

Anyone that knows me well, knows that it is very difficult for me to pray out loud. I do pray..ALOT.. but mostly in writing. My journal is more a collection of prayers and discussions with God than anything else..

This is what makes me beleive that the words I prayed over Toby where not my own, but God's wish for him. God wanted this man to know that He loves him and that he could change his life and bring him true joy, hope and LIFE.

Afterwards, we got a little insight as he told us a bit about his life. He has been living on the streets for the past ten years, begs for money (sometimes just out of lack of having anything else to do), and hear this, muffled under his breath, is somewhat getting tired of it..

We then encountered a deaf-mute elderly man sitting on the pavement. He was desperately making signs to drop change into his baseball cap. So.. I took out more change, squatted beside him and put my hands together and 'signed' to him that I was going to pray for him. Again, the words just came.. What was beautiful to see was that as I blurted out my prayer close into his ear.. he calmed down, stopped signing for change for a moment, pulled hard at his earlobe, closed his eyes.. and listened.

All of the praise and glory goes to Jesus. If it weren't for God..haha, there is no way I would be praying out loud that night. It is awesome that God would use a stranger to tell these men how much he loves them. That He would use a mule like me to talk. That without even my realizing it.. I was praying over men on a busy downtown sidewalk..words flowing out of my mouth.

JESUS you are truly awesome!! Thank you so much for letting me be a part of your conversation with the world that night.

Once home though, I couldn't fall asleep. All I could think was how great it would have been to have a place to bring this man. It got me thinking about how sad it is that our churches are closed most of the week and that the 'safest places on earth' are closed during the most dangerous times of the night. I started imagining people, broken, desperate, lost... thinking their last hope may lay in the hands God..crying at the door of a church.. courageously pulling at the door..only to realize.. it's doors are locked.

I guess that is why God sends his church out into the world. We just have to make sure we don't lock the door...

My peach heart.

24 hour prayer

Westside's first 24 hour prayer has come to an end.

WOW!!!!!!!!

After 48 hours without sleep, I should really be in bed right now..but need to capture my emotions beforehand.

First off let me explain,
A group of us from church (Westside Gathering in conjuction with 24/7 Prayer Canada) prayed for 24 hours for our community, the world, our loved ones, friends, neighbours and basically anyone who requested prayer.


The responses I received in request for prayers were a blessing but also a great responsibility. I told these people that we would pray for them.. and I have to admit, as they kept pouring in.. I felt some anxiety. That anxiety was quickly dissolved once I came to the realization that God had already heard their cries, that He would carry their burdens..not me.

So... we parked our Uhaul converted into a prayer room at the Esso Gas Station at the corner of St-John's boulevard and began pumping out prayer..
I understand that a Uhaul is a bit unconvetional, just as is 24hours of continuous prayer.. but I follow a God that parted waters, made donkeys speak and walked on water.. therefore our crazy, 'radical' Uhaul surely made Him smile. :)

This has been an experience of a lifetime.

In only 24hours, I have been blessed, challenged, stretched, inspired.

My most enjoyable moments were spent silently watching Westside pray. I would open my eyes as we prayed and look around at these big hearts yearning for restoration in our city.
It brought tears to my eyes. I was witnessing God at work. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.

I was also touched by the true desire of my community to share the love of Christ with others. Touched by the discomfort/pain we all experience, knowing that others don't know, cannot understand, how Jesus truly transforms lives and brings an inexplainable fullness to one's life. I was happy to see this authentic desire to share it with everyone who crosses our path.

The prayers were bittersweet.
It was a blessing feel God's heart for people.
It was a great joy to join Him in prayer.
Nonetheless, it broke my heart to hear the cries of my community.

We were in the presence of the Lord..
.... wow!.....

Nonetheless.. my prayers will not end here. Every prayer posted on those walls must be transcribed to our hearts. I know God is pleased that we spent this time with Him, that we prayed that His will be done.. nonethess, if we wish to remain with Him on this great adventure He has planned.. the praying must go on!
The prayers I prayed broke my heart, and I pray that it continues bleeding.

Greater things...
have yet to come...
in this city.

May God bless you.

Anniversaries.

Someone told me this week that I am the girl of anniversaries. It's true.. certain dates remain very important to me. The 16th is one.. I met Jesus on the 16th of June 2007. I was baptised one year ago, on the 16th of September.

I do hold on to anniversaries.. they are a way for me to pause.. to stop planning the future, to stop living in the moment and to simply pause and look back, remember, the wonderful things Christ has done.
My life today, is beyond anything I could of ever imagined. This past year has been nothing but a blessing. Looking back, through trials, tribulations, successes and failures.. Jesus has been right by my side. He has been present in every single aspect, every facet of my day to day life. He has kept His promises, not one has He broken.

I have grown in my faith. I have learnt so much about myself, about others, about Him. I have learnt to listen to the Spirit within me. I know His voice.

I am still so deeply in love with my Jesus. Beyond all He has done for me.. it is His love that keeps me. True pure love.

So on this anniversary, Lord I thank you. I thank you for the past year and thank you for today.

Speak.

What a blessing it was to speak at the MB Conference tonight. It always brings me so much joy, fills my heart when I get to share my testimony.

I am so thankful..
..for the opportunity to share how amazing God is and how He truly can transform lives.
..that I was given such a beautiful story. That God worked all things together.
..that even with my stumbles, the Lord will not forsake me. He will use me.
..for the conviction, the faith I have been given.
..to be able to celebrate, worship, pray.
..for the chance to remember, to look back, to revisit the many events that led to this relationship I now have with Jesus.

Lord, thank you.

June 16th 2008

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Psalm 30

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I will extol thee, O LORD; for thou hast lifted me up, and hast not made my foes to rejoice over me.
O LORD my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me.
O LORD, thou hast brought up my soul from the grave: thou hast kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.
Sing unto the LORD, O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness.
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
And in my prosperity I said, I shall never be moved.
LORD, by thy favour thou hast made my mountain to stand strong: thou didst hide thy face, and I was troubled.
I cried to thee, O LORD; and unto the LORD I made supplication.
What profit is there in my blood, when I go down to the pit? Shall the dust praise thee? shall it declare thy truth?
Hear, O LORD, and have mercy upon me: LORD, be thou my helper.
Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.

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It brings me to tears when I think that a year has gone by since this journey began. I have spent this evening reflecting, remembering, thanking...

I am overwhelmed with gratitude, a gratitude that cannot easily be expressed in words, but more so by tears of joy. I have written and rewritten this post.. and just cannot find the words.

I have no words. As I look back on this year, I am FILLED with joy and an overwhelming feeling of love. I am AMAZED by my very personal yet immense, amazing God.

I wanted to thank all that have crossed my path, walked with me, shared their wisdom or simply said one word in passing that may have touched my heart, stirred my Spirit. I wanted to write of the beautiful truths I have learnt, of the faith I was given... But my heart is simply bursting with these 3 words...

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THANK YOU JESUS.

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Testifying upon request.

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"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." - 1 Peter 3:15.

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This is for you...

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You are in a wonderful place right now. Maybe terrifying..I understand. To look around you and see no purpose to all of it? To search for something, anything to fill you... for even a moment. To be unhappy, discontented without even knowing why, without knowing what it is you are truly searching for.

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I say you are in a wonderful place because, although discouraging, see it as a veil being removed from your eyes. (It may lead you to understand the saying, I once was blind but now I see.)

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Many still walk around completly blind... I am happy, and praise God, that an inkling of light is seeping through.

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I have been there. And yes, it is a choice. You must make that choice. The God I have met will never force you to do anything. The choice is not as hard as you may think though... if you think God is knocking on your door.. all you need to do is let him in.

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All I had to do was let Him into my life. He placed the faith. He changed my heart.

In time.. things you once held on to.. don't seem as important anymore.

The fears you once had.. don't scare you anymore.

The past hurts..in time.. are healed.

You learn to hear His voice. You learn to trust Him.

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As for what you may think of "Christians" .. here's what I used to think.. I thought a Christian girl wore long skirts, admonished anyone who drank, cursed.. You know.. The good girl.

Here's my view of a Christian today... it is someone who lives their life trusting that the God that created this world loves them. Someone who wants others to experience the love of Christ. A regular person... with true hope.

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The love of Christ is a love that I can't even explain. His love fills you. He guides you through life. Reassures you when you need Him. Teaches you. And shows you what this life really is..

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Do you believe in God?

Is your view of God.. this BIG God.. that you haven't really met?

He is GOD. He is also very personal. I know.. it sounds absurd.. that this BIG God would take the time to talk to little me.. but He does.

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Since you are precious and honored in my sight,and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you,and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the

west. - Isaiah 43

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THIS is life. It is sometimes a hard walk...because...sigh we are human. But it is filled with blessings. It is beautiful. It does have a purpose.

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May Jesus keep knocking. May you keep searching.

May you meet someday soon.

En Cuba encontre mi lugar.

I will attempt to write it all out.. it has taken me a few days to blog about my trip..because in only one week.. I have seen, realized and learnt so much..

I know that this is not your usual vacation. I understand that I took risks that many would not. Please understand that this who I am. It was something I truly had to experience.

and Wow... what an experience. To speak openly with people about their lives, challenges, hurts.. To attempt to 'infiltrate' an entirely different culture. To, for a moment, try to feel with them. I laughed, I cried, I got angry, I hoped, I prayed...


Cuba May 2008
As expected, I did encounter a few dilemmas at the airport.. but not because of the gifts I carried but more so because of how often I have travelled to Cuba in the past year. At customs, they asked me a slew of questions, especially..why I was coming to Cuba over and over again.. After explaining my love for the country, I was finally let through.. Then, I was stopped with my luggage and checked for drugs. (Completly understandable that they would assume that of a young woman who frequently travels alone to Cuba.)


I spent 2 days at the resort. My friend Joel met me there and also had a room for the nights we were there. As much as I wanted to experience Cuba, I wanted him to experience a vacation. I wanted to let him know what it was like to be on the other side.

We spent most of our days off the resort, walking through the streets of Varadero. We ate in Cuban restaurants, ate 'real' cuban food. I have fallen in love with an entree called Camarones - cold shrimp, ketchup and mayo! He even showed me the room he rents out from an elderly couple in a 'duplex' while he works in Varadero.

Honestly throughout this whole trip, I could not have asked for a better companion, guide. He understood exactly what I wanted out of this trip and made it a point to be as open and as honest as possible. If you have ever been to Cuba, you know that politics and Cubans sentiments about them are not usually something they like to discuss. I am so grateful that he let me into his world and shared his thoughts and feelings with me. He was a true gentleman and has become a very good friend of mine. He said.. no matter how poor... "When a gentleman walks into a room..everyone takes off their hat."

Almost everything he owns has been given to him by tourists.. boxers, deodorant, toothbrushes, clothing, shoes, socks. (Yes.. he showed me his closet).

The night before my birthday, he brought me to the amusement park in Varadero. As you know, I still don't drive... he brought me there for the bumper car ride! I have come to the realization that thoughfulness is priceless.


Now.. on to Havana..
May 21st.
I was given the choice of taking the bus to Havana as all tourists do or to get there 'Cuban style'. Obviously, I opted for the latter. So we jumped in a Cuban's car and headed to Havana. Joel made the mistake of speaking to me in english... the car stopped, the man panicked and told us to get out. You see, a Cuban cannot have a Canadian or any any tourist for that matter in their car.. for any reason whatsoever. Later, Joel and I discussed this. He told me that luckily I could pass for a Cuban because had I been blonde and blue eyed there is no way I could have experienced half of the things I did. A Cuban will be brought to the police station should he have a tourist in his car, sleeping in his home and sometimes even simply walking together on the street. They can be fined up to 1000$ which is more than one year's salary.

Imagine.. being restricted to whom you can be with..

He finally calmed down and we kept on with our journey to Havana. One hour away from Havana, in the town of Madruga, the car stopped.... and never revived. Now stuck on a dirt road in the middle of nowhere.. I could imagine any of us.. in a state of panic.. grabbing our cell phone...cursing..calling up any friend to come pick us up.. or, still cursing...calling CAA. Looking back, although yes, there was frustration..they didn't panic. It amazes me. So..we waited by the side of the road and a car finally stopped an picked us up and drove us all the way to Havana. It was quiet ride for me - Joel had warned me to not say a word, nor in spanish nor in english.. It was a very quiet ride...especially after he advised me that we were in a government car!

At times, I would get a little stressed, for example when packing for Havana. We are so used to stress here that we seem to 'work with it'. It has become some sort of defense mechanism.. I have now realized it is counter productive. Joel could not understand it. I will from now on remember his words. "The energy you use for stress could be used fixing the problem. Stress clouds a part of your judgement which could have been used for another purpose."

Havana is where I saw the real Cuba. Joel and I spent three days, walking the streets, visiting friends and family. Talking with them. Seeing their homes.

On one specific day..we packed all the gifts in two big plastic bags and simply walked around and gave them out randomly. We went to a school for the mentally challenged and gave out baseball caps.. I will never forget one of the boys who kept coming up to us to show us his new red hat.

To see the look of confusion on a little girl's face as I gave her a teddy bear.. she looked up to her mother, not quite understanding.. her mother nodded and gave me the biggest smile. As they walked away.. the chiquitica looked back at me, smiled and held up her bear.

Many people we gave to reacted as though I had given them a brand new car... "Oh no..I cannot accept .." many said as we gave them a tshirt, some stockings, and toys for their children.

I will never forget seeing Joel, a man who does not own much, give with such joy. A man who does not own much, walking back to an elderly woman begging in an alley and giving her a peso. A man to whom little was given, who gives much.


I had expected to take many picture of the places I visited and the people I spoke with. But somehow, I did not want to 'put them on display'. I can't explain it... I just did not feel right taking pictures..

The homes I visited were impeccable, in complete ruins, but impeccable. Their clothes are spotless. They have little but the little they have, they cherish.
They wash their clothing in a basin with a brush and whatever detergent they may have..

Imagine not having running water at your leisure. The water for the shower and faucets runs for a few hours in the morning and that's it for the day. So, after showering in the morning, we collected water in water bottles and buckets for our shower at night.

Imagine not being able to flick through tv channels... many of us sit in front of our tvs 'surfing' complaining that "there is nothing on tv." ... Imagine having only 4 channels to choose from...

Imagine not having a seat on your toilet.. because you just can't afford one.

Imagine having to carry toilet paper with you where ever you go. Because it is so expensive.. there is no toilet paper in public washrooms.

I was without luxuries. But somehow, more content than ever. You quickly learn to appreciate the little things.

It is true, that the laws in Cuba are becoming a bit looser. Cubans are now allowed in hotels-but not always treated with as much respect. They can have cell phones (which are usually given to them by tourists). They are allowed computers - with restricted internet access. Nonetheless, I was told, there is this underlying fear, distrust of the upcoming changes. I was told that many things will be changing in Cuba within the next two years... and that not all change is good.

As I talked with people.. the hope I had once seen in Cuba seemed to diminish. It is more... hurt and anger.. and survival. They survive. It angered me and broke my heart. I could not understand how a government, no... how people, can watch their own live in such poverty. Joel told me that he would explain it to me the day he comes understand it himself.

I had the opportunity to visit the statue of Christ. A year ago, a few weeks before being saved, I had sat under this immense statue and just stared at it for what seemed like an hour. It was overwhelming to go back with a complete different understanding....
"I now know you. Thank you."

I also visited a church. As I walked directly to the cross, everyone stopped first to pray to Mary. They call her the Patron Saint of Cuba, the Virgin of Charity. (For more info and history http://www.sacred-destinations.com/cuba/el-cobre.htm) This brought on conversations about the Pope, saints, Mary and of course Jesus...in broken spanish, I shared my beliefs. Why not speak directly to the source? Why not directly speak with Jesus?

Other than Catholicism, many Cubans follow Santeria (Way of the Saints) an Afro-Caribbean religion with some Roman Catholic elements added. We did not talk too much about it. Nor am I really comfortable looking into it too much right now. All I know is that is is a religion that grew out of the slave trade in Cuba and often times involves ritual dancing and sacrifice. Its a mix of Catholic beliefs and African ritual.
Ahi na ma. (Enough about that. That's it.)

Ironically, Joel went around testifying for me. Opening doors. Somehow, he always seemed to tell others about my faith.
We had many conversations and I had the opportunity to share my love for Christ, my story and my journey.

Joel's family showed me so much love. I spent much time with them and never did they treat me with anything less than respect and love. In the past few days, God has truly blessed me and in turn his family.. Joel's brother Randy has diabetes. They explained to me that in Cuba, it is impossible to purchase a blood sugar monitor nor the strips-they just don't exist. He owns an old kit that was given to him by a tourist and is quickly running out of strips. Once all the strips are done, he will have to resort to peeing in a cup, putting a liquid in it and then placing it over a fire. The color it changes to determines his sugar level. I promised, I would do my best to get him strips by my next trip planned almost 6 months away.

God decided otherwise... I never read magazines... but this week I flipped through a magazine and the pages fell open to an inserted coupon available only in Canadian pharmacies for a FREE Blood sugar monitoring kit with the purchase of strips. I now have 200 strips, the lancets and kit for Randy. If that is not amazing enough, a client I met a year ago in Cuba came to see me at the bank for a loan.. He is off to Cuba next week and is staying at Joel's resort!! Since I had helped him with his impossible mortgage a year ago.. he had no problems carrying stuff to Cuba for me. All coincidence. Nothing but a blessing.

I spoke with one man who twice tried to escape Cuba. The first time, he sold everything he owned to buy an engine for the boat. It collapsed in the ocean and he had to swim back to shore. The second time, he was stopped by the police before even reaching the water. Imagine... if we are unhappy with the place where we live.. we have the freedom to pack up, leave and start over.. They can only 'escape'.
He finally came to terms with his life and is now working in tourism.

I discussed the reputation Cubans have concerning marrying tourists in order to get out of Cuba. It does happen. One man married a woman from Italy.. leaving his country and family behind.. only to be treated as prisoner by his new wife. She finally let him leave, and he came home to Cuba.
Many people around the world get married for the wrong reasons. Nonetheless, those who married for love, are still together.. in Cuba and abroad.

We were very lucky that that throughout our trip, not once were we approached by la policia. It is not uncommon for the police to walk up to a Cuban in the street ask for his id card should he be walking with someone who looks like or is a tourist. They verify that the Cuban is not a jinatero (escort or prostitute). I saw some extremely young girls approaching much older tourists. It is disgusting that an old man would take advantage of such a dire situation.

Everyone in Cuba has a way to make money on the side. Not out of greed.. they simply have to. A hotel worker will steal forks from the hotel, sell them to someone who turns them into jewelry to sell in the market. A bartender will sell you a bottle from the bar. A doctor will take money from a hotel entertainer to write up a fake prescription in order for them to get a few days off (Joel...for example... paid for a very bad kidney infection last week).

Speaking of infections... I started a fever on the Wednesday night. My glands began to swell the next morning. My foot was twice it's size by friday. We rushed back to Varadero in the middle of Friday night, again by car, in order for me to get medical attention by Saturday morning. I had been bitten badly by mosquitos and ended up with a nasty infection. I can only imagine the fear of the driver who must have thought he had a Canadian dying in the backseat of his car!! At a certain point, Joel later told me, he actually had to ask the guy to slow down!!
Even after 7 injections and crutches... I have nothing bad to say about the experience. The nurse and doctor were amazing. At least.. I was able to experience their medical system. Even in those moments, we found reasons to laugh.

I am so grateful for this trip. It surpassed all of my expectations.
I will cherish the memories and continue praying for the people of Cuba.

Early one morning, as we spent a quiet moment looking out at Cuba from the balcony ... After spending the previous days visiting the slums, the dirty streets...after shedding tears for their lack of freedom...after seeing the injustice and great poverty...

I told Joel..
"Even after all I have seen... I still love Cuba."

He answered quietly.....
"Me too."

Surprise!!

Wow..
First of all.. Thank you Jesus. Thank you for surrounding me with such loving people. Thank you for putting it on their hearts to show me that they care.

Not sure I have processed it all. Not sure it has just yet sunk in. But am so thankful and feel so blessed that I type this through tear glazed eyes.

Thank you to all of you that attended my 'surprise 30th party'..
You simply attending warmed my heart in ways I can't describe. Honestly, moments like these are hard to come by.
And ha... I am truly at a loss for words.

The messages you wrote me.. I will engrave on my heart.

There are no other words but Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I pray that God bless you all for making me feel so so blessed today.

This is my commandment, that ye love one another, even as I have loved you. -John 15:12

You brought that verse to life tonight. Thank you.

New Christian.

As I headed to work today, all I had in mind where these words..

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"Through the eyes of a child"

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In the past few weeks, I have been referred to as a "new Christian" twice. And twice, somehow, it struck a chord in me.

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Maybe...

God is trying to tell me something.. Remind me of something...

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"Through the eyes of a child"

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It is a wonderful, wonderful thing to be a 'new Christian'. Seeing for the very first time. Excited when new understanding comes around. Open.. so open to what God has to show me, what He has to say.

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Every little thing is seen as a blessing. Every hardship seen as a lesson to be learned.

Reading, reading, reading, discussing, praying, worshipping....

So eager, hungry for knowledge & grateful for Grace.

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JOY. The joy of a new life found through Jesus.

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All this, seen only, through the eyes of a child.

My walk through the King's inner court.

I am now on the 5th chapter of my bible study/small group of the Book of Esther.

To be honest, when we discussed creating a small group, I was not a fan of having a woman's only group.. being the girl 'that said' she couldn't get along with women.. (Why do so many of us say that? I truly believe deep down, we long for those friendships..)
I was happy that we were studying the Old Testament, but again, found it 'cliche' that we would study a godly woman.

Wow..
This walk through Esther has been .. un -belieee-vable!!!! Since becoming a Christ follower, I have developped a love for coincidences.. and each study has been filled with them. Each part of this study has mirrored events in my life as they occur.

On one occasion.. although I knew I could not attend the study, I sat down and prepared for it... my journal was pretty much blank. I could not identify with the topic. I had nothing. To my surprise, I found out 2 weeks later that the group had been cancelled. BUT... within those two weeks the events that occured, the events I journaled once again fell in line with the study. And as I answered the questions, once again, pages and pages were filled.

I know.. I know... coincidence.. or maybe reading too much into each situation.... HAHA... nope..
It is so 'non-sensical' that it makes complete sense!!!!


I am not saying that God intended this study for me. Please don't get me wrong.. I believe our group has grown together and that each and every one of us has, up to now, taken much and learned much from this study. I am just amazed... and thankful.


Lord, I thank you. I thank you for this study & for surrounding me with strong women, women who love you. I thank you for Esther, and for the opportunity to know of her life. Thank you Lord for all you have taught me as you walk by my side through each chapter.

To the 'princesses' learning to be Queens:
It is a blessing to be a part of this group. It is not often that you find a group where you feel completly 'safe'. This group has been a place of growth, honesty and support. You ladies have much wisdom and I am so grateful to be able to share experiences, questions, doubts, fears, hopes and joys with you. Thank you.

My favorite place..

I love Cuba. There is something about that place that I yearn for, something about Cuba that takes my breath away. I truly deeply love Cuba.

It is not the 'all inclusive' aspect, the beach, the tourists, nor the resort that attract me.. I love the streets of Cuba, the homes, the people.

It was strange to return in a completely different head space than I was less than a year ago. I planted seeds where I had left only weeds.

I had the opportunity to visit a church on Easter and it was a beautiful, overwhelming experience. This little church in the middle of Varadero was jam packed, Cubans at the front and tourists at the back, some simply peering through the windows.. A man saw me easing my way through the tourists at the entrance and flagged me to a pew in the front. I have never seen, nor sensed, such HOPE as I worshipped amonst them.. It was beautiful.

I also had an amazing encounter with an old woman in... of all places... the bathroom of a club. You see, when you go out in Cuba, there is no toilet paper.. a woman sits before the entrance and hands you a square in exchange for a peso or two. This woman pointed at the cross around my neck.. so I crouched down next to her and asked if she believed. She showed me her 'fingerless' right hand and said.. " I tell my five children every day that I would not have made it through my accident and through this life had it not been for God." We agreed that this life is temporary and that we would meet again in heaven.

The people in Cuba amaze me. I will always always cherish the moments I have spent simply talking with them.. some for hours on end....They have nothing.. nothing.. yet they have hope and contentment. On this side of the world, we live our lives from day to day.. stressed about tomorrow, stressed about next week, next month, next year. We think we 'need'... a new car.. a new phone.. new shoes.. We strive to be on top.. strive to achieve great things..

We don't have the slightest clue what 'need' truly means.

They work to eat.
That is to need.

They strive to survive.

That is success.

4594

What an adventure these past few years have been. 2 years ago, out of the blue, I received a phone call at work from my present employer with an opportunity I could not pass up. Little did I know at that time what a journey I was about to embark on!
After going from branch to branch for the first six months, again by 'fluke', I landed at 4594 - which for the past year and half has become 'home'.

Looking back, all of these 'flukes' were simply God putting all the pieces together.
Looking back, so many people associated to 4594, from management, coworkers, and even clients have all played a part in this story that has yet to fully unfold.
Looking back, that office at the far corner of the branch has seen it's fair share of my tears, my worries, my anger and my growth.

I am amazed at how much I have seen, learnt and experienced at that branch. Amazed at how God knew that was where I should be. Amazed that my team was able to see me go through transformation and thankful that I had the opportunity to share the impact God has had on my life with them. God's workings and plans are greater than we could ever imagine. It is simply unbeleivable to see how everything was planned, how everything just 'fit'.

This team will always have a special place in my heart. Lord, for each and every one of them, I pray.

Lord, I thank you for 4594. I thank you for it all.

As I embark on a new journey, always on the same path, I leave with the comfort of knowing that you are right there with me.

My first Christmas.

Christmas 2007. My first Christmas with meaning.

The only way I can define this Christmas is LOVE. Just as I felt after my Baptism, I am at a loss of words. I can only describe what happened but cannot truly define it.

Spending time with my community, worshipping God, spending time with family, serving the less fortunate, making connections, creating unforgettable memories, praying and learning more about Christ.

That is what Christmas is all about. Beautiful isn't it?

Christmas?

Eyes open.
Im a little disappointed.
I guess it should be expected.

Where is the meaning of Christmas? What in the world are people celebrating?

I went shopping a few days ago... since I am now aware...
I found it sad to see how hard it was to find a cross (unless on sale in the jewelry department).
I was so upset to see two 'Bible quote calendars' (on the very bottom shelf) in the Calendar store as opposed to 26 Bikini calendars. (So upset that I took them off the shelf and placed them at eye level)

I was all excited to put up my Christmas tree...
and then realized I had no clue why we even did put up a tree!!

Before becoming a Christian, I refused to celebrate Christmas.. I found no meaning, I found it commercial.

I wonder.. why do people celebrate Christmas? Do they realize what celebration they have masked in tinsel? What does it mean to them? Do they celebrate without meaning?

Let's see in 6 months from now.

6 months ago to the day my journey began. In the beginning of this walk all I heard was "Let's see 6 months from now.." But, I knew. I knew that I had been blessed with the opportunity to meet God. Blessed with the chance to get to know him. Blessed by his grace.

I am so thankful to have been placed on this walk. So grateful for the experiences. I am in awe with the unbelievable sequence of events that I truly believe were predestined.

Lord, I believe in you with all of my heart. I truly believe that with you all things are possible.. ALL THINGS.
I trust you and love you more than anything.
Thank you Jesus.

Countdown to Mexico. Finally relieved.

When I saw this in Havana... It captivated me...

but I had no clue why...

Cuba, Havana May 2007.

.

.

.

"Lightbulb thought" :

If he caught my attention in Cuba..

How much more will I see him, when I seek, eyes

and heart wide open.

No need to be afraid. He is right there.

Grateful.

Most of this blog has been filled with lessons learned. When I read back, I remember the situation I was in which led me to the lesson.
The situation itself, in hindsight, is never as important as the lesson that came out of it.

Tonight, I write again to remind myself.
So often, we yearn for 'big' things.. and forget the little miracles and wonders that surround us.
I write this so as not to forget the many things I already have to be grateful for.

I have two extremely special people in my life that I can truly count on to listen, guide and teach me. It is Jesus that has brought us together and created a bond that I have never experienced before. So I am eternally grateful to have you, Christina and Elie, on this walk with me.

I have become a part of the Westside community. A group of truly good people who love Christ and strive to live by his Word. I am grateful to have found a community that I love worshipping with, serving with and growing with. So many different walks all on the same path. So many experiences and knowledge under one roof.

I am thankful to have my pastor Dave and his wife Franca. They truly are an inspiration.
I am grateful to have a pastor who is down to earth and whom I trust is guiding us in the right direction. Who loves God with all of his heart and who shows his commitment to the growth of his community.

I am grateful to see that people can care without any benefit to themselves.

I am blessed to have my cousin Cindy, who truly knows me and the struggles I have faced in my life and who understands.

I coming to realize that everything and everyone is placed in certain places at certain times in our lives. It is all planned out.

I am grateful for the nudges, the awakenings, the messages I get out of the blue. The Bible verses that appear before me in such light when I need them the most.

The strangers that have said things that only I could understand at that moment. The beautiful coincidences that make absolutely no sense.. the coincidences that make sense of it all.

I am grateful that in such a short period of time I have learnt so much.
So many lessons, so much wisdom, so much guidance.

This walk isn't always easy.. and I stumble, I complain, I cry.. but now.. taking a moment to stop and look around, I see such beauty.

Forgive me Lord for not seeing all you given me.
Thank you Jesus.

That way. Remembering Sept 16th