A pause to remember..

June 16th. Without fail, a day every year where I am reminded of all that God has done and how great He is.. A day where I look back and reflect. An anniversary which allows me the time to pause for a moment and thank God.

"Give thanks to the Lord and pray to him.
Tell the nations what he has done.
Sing to him; sing praises to him.
Tell about all his miracles.
Be glad that you are his;
Let those who seek the Lord be happy.
Depend on the Lord and his strength;
always go to him for help.
Remember the miracles he has done;
remember his wonders and his decisions.
You are descendants of his servant Abraham,
the children of Jacob, his chosen people.
He is the Lord our God.
His laws are for all the world.
He will keep his agreement forever;
He will keep his promises always."

Psalm 105: 1-8 NCV.

Anniversaries.

Someone told me this week that I am the girl of anniversaries. It's true.. certain dates remain very important to me. The 16th is one.. I met Jesus on the 16th of June 2007. I was baptised one year ago, on the 16th of September.

I do hold on to anniversaries.. they are a way for me to pause.. to stop planning the future, to stop living in the moment and to simply pause and look back, remember, the wonderful things Christ has done.
My life today, is beyond anything I could of ever imagined. This past year has been nothing but a blessing. Looking back, through trials, tribulations, successes and failures.. Jesus has been right by my side. He has been present in every single aspect, every facet of my day to day life. He has kept His promises, not one has He broken.

I have grown in my faith. I have learnt so much about myself, about others, about Him. I have learnt to listen to the Spirit within me. I know His voice.

I am still so deeply in love with my Jesus. Beyond all He has done for me.. it is His love that keeps me. True pure love.

So on this anniversary, Lord I thank you. I thank you for the past year and thank you for today.

Speak.

What a blessing it was to speak at the MB Conference tonight. It always brings me so much joy, fills my heart when I get to share my testimony.

I am so thankful..
..for the opportunity to share how amazing God is and how He truly can transform lives.
..that I was given such a beautiful story. That God worked all things together.
..that even with my stumbles, the Lord will not forsake me. He will use me.
..for the conviction, the faith I have been given.
..to be able to celebrate, worship, pray.
..for the chance to remember, to look back, to revisit the many events that led to this relationship I now have with Jesus.

Lord, thank you.

June 16th 2008

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Psalm 30

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I will extol thee, O LORD; for thou hast lifted me up, and hast not made my foes to rejoice over me.
O LORD my God, I cried unto thee, and thou hast healed me.
O LORD, thou hast brought up my soul from the grave: thou hast kept me alive, that I should not go down to the pit.
Sing unto the LORD, O ye saints of his, and give thanks at the remembrance of his holiness.
For his anger endureth but a moment; in his favour is life: weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning.
And in my prosperity I said, I shall never be moved.
LORD, by thy favour thou hast made my mountain to stand strong: thou didst hide thy face, and I was troubled.
I cried to thee, O LORD; and unto the LORD I made supplication.
What profit is there in my blood, when I go down to the pit? Shall the dust praise thee? shall it declare thy truth?
Hear, O LORD, and have mercy upon me: LORD, be thou my helper.
Thou hast turned for me my mourning into dancing: thou hast put off my sackcloth, and girded me with gladness;
To the end that my glory may sing praise to thee, and not be silent. O LORD my God, I will give thanks unto thee for ever.

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It brings me to tears when I think that a year has gone by since this journey began. I have spent this evening reflecting, remembering, thanking...

I am overwhelmed with gratitude, a gratitude that cannot easily be expressed in words, but more so by tears of joy. I have written and rewritten this post.. and just cannot find the words.

I have no words. As I look back on this year, I am FILLED with joy and an overwhelming feeling of love. I am AMAZED by my very personal yet immense, amazing God.

I wanted to thank all that have crossed my path, walked with me, shared their wisdom or simply said one word in passing that may have touched my heart, stirred my Spirit. I wanted to write of the beautiful truths I have learnt, of the faith I was given... But my heart is simply bursting with these 3 words...

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THANK YOU JESUS.

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Testifying upon request.

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"But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." - 1 Peter 3:15.

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This is for you...

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You are in a wonderful place right now. Maybe terrifying..I understand. To look around you and see no purpose to all of it? To search for something, anything to fill you... for even a moment. To be unhappy, discontented without even knowing why, without knowing what it is you are truly searching for.

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I say you are in a wonderful place because, although discouraging, see it as a veil being removed from your eyes. (It may lead you to understand the saying, I once was blind but now I see.)

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Many still walk around completly blind... I am happy, and praise God, that an inkling of light is seeping through.

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I have been there. And yes, it is a choice. You must make that choice. The God I have met will never force you to do anything. The choice is not as hard as you may think though... if you think God is knocking on your door.. all you need to do is let him in.

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All I had to do was let Him into my life. He placed the faith. He changed my heart.

In time.. things you once held on to.. don't seem as important anymore.

The fears you once had.. don't scare you anymore.

The past hurts..in time.. are healed.

You learn to hear His voice. You learn to trust Him.

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As for what you may think of "Christians" .. here's what I used to think.. I thought a Christian girl wore long skirts, admonished anyone who drank, cursed.. You know.. The good girl.

Here's my view of a Christian today... it is someone who lives their life trusting that the God that created this world loves them. Someone who wants others to experience the love of Christ. A regular person... with true hope.

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The love of Christ is a love that I can't even explain. His love fills you. He guides you through life. Reassures you when you need Him. Teaches you. And shows you what this life really is..

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Do you believe in God?

Is your view of God.. this BIG God.. that you haven't really met?

He is GOD. He is also very personal. I know.. it sounds absurd.. that this BIG God would take the time to talk to little me.. but He does.

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Since you are precious and honored in my sight,and because I love you, I will give men in exchange for you,and people in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the

west. - Isaiah 43

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THIS is life. It is sometimes a hard walk...because...sigh we are human. But it is filled with blessings. It is beautiful. It does have a purpose.

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May Jesus keep knocking. May you keep searching.

May you meet someday soon.

Let's see in 6 months from now.

6 months ago to the day my journey began. In the beginning of this walk all I heard was "Let's see 6 months from now.." But, I knew. I knew that I had been blessed with the opportunity to meet God. Blessed with the chance to get to know him. Blessed by his grace.

I am so thankful to have been placed on this walk. So grateful for the experiences. I am in awe with the unbelievable sequence of events that I truly believe were predestined.

Lord, I believe in you with all of my heart. I truly believe that with you all things are possible.. ALL THINGS.
I trust you and love you more than anything.
Thank you Jesus.

That way. Remembering Sept 16th

My Baptism September 16th 2007

I am writing so as to not forget what I felt, experienced today. It was such an overwhelming feeling of joy, it is hard to put into words...

I do not think that I have EVER felt such love...
Love.. THAT is what I felt as I came out of the water... I wanted to laugh, I wanted to cry, I wanted to yell from the rooftops.. I felt completly engulfed in love. Wow.

I am so thankful for Westside for sharing this moment with me. I was blown away by the involvement of the community from set up to take down... from cooking to cleaning up.. I have never felt such a sense of belonging and for this, I thank you.

I was blessed to have so much family attending. My cousin Cindy & Boris who have known Jesus for over a decade.. I thank you for your prayers.
My mother... I thank you for confirming the changes I have been through, confirming the joy you now see in me. I thank you for supporting me on this journey.

Paul, it was an honor to be baptized at the same time as you. I find it astonishing, how two different people with completely different stories have come to know the same Jesus.

Dave and Franca, I thank you for offering your home for all of us to celebrate as a community. It was a beautiful day. Thank you for all of your hard work, your guidance & support. I am extremely grateful.

Christina and Elijah... there are no words to describe the love I feel for you. You have both been there from day one... In such a short time, you have taught me the true meaning of friendship. It meant the world to me to have you both with me today.


Overwhelming love are the only words I truly have to describe today. A love that engulfes you entirely and brings tears to your eyes.

Thank you Jesus.
May you always keep this moment in my heart.

A message from a friend...

Received this the day before my baptism.. Words...What a beautiful gift.

Cindy...I wanted to write you a little bit of where my heart is at. You have been on this incredible journey since June 16th, 2007. It seems to me that Jesus took one look at you and couldn't look away. I mean he always had his Eye on you but for some reason it's like your eyes connected and you were DONE from then on. The night before this huge declaration of Faith in Jesus is the reason I write to you. I want you to know that everything past is gone...the moment that you made a decision to love HIM..he wiped everything away and gave you a beautiful new Beginning. You will walk into that water tomorrow in front if your family, friends and many people that could mean different things to you along this journey. As we watch you make this declaration we will stand with you and celebrate this New Life!! These are the people that one day will hold you accountable to walk when you would much rather SIT!! You are growing so much and the transformation that had happened in your life increases my faith...though I had little to do with any of this...we give HIM all the glory!! I am trully blessed to have encountered you on this journey and to have the priviledge of sharing in your triumphs and defeats is my greatest fufillment. Yes often it has been difficult but loving unselfishly and enduring with you through different tests has been the most rewarding time of my life. I'm not sure if you can deeply understand what that means to me. I have gone through some different trials of my own this year and it seems that through you Jesus has been speaking. As stubborn as i am...i often resist but gently he restores me. ....................
I am commited to Jesus and I am committed to you. I need you to know that...not out of obligation...just because I have a deep AGAPE love for you. A love I cannot explain. One that wants to protect you from anything that will hurt you...but I realize that you will and are making your own decisions. I pray for you always and I know I am sometimes silent...but in the quiet I constantly present you before Him praying that you will Run the good race...never give up and never settle for cheap imitations of the real LOVE that you found. I want you to know that tomorrow I watch my SISTER baptized into the greatest family and I want her to know how much I love her..................
I am so proud of you and your incredible step of Faith. May the Jesus you met...be with you forever and EVER. Till Heaven Cindy...I wonder if our rooms are next to each other?? LOL!!

Standing behind you always,
your sis

My Testimony

Dear Jesus,
It's me again... I want to thank you for gathering everyone here today, thank you for allowing me to share such a special day with my true friends, my family and my community.
I’m finding it hard to talk about myself today because it’s not about me. It’s all about you. About your great, unbelievable forgiveness, your love and your grace.

Grace… grace is seeking, forgiving and loving someone who truly never deserved it. How grateful I am, that you saved me. Me… the promiscuous girl. The girl who ran away to Cuba twice in a month and came back feeling as empty as when she had left. The girl that prided herself on the how much alcohol she could drink. The one that nobody could approach, let alone dare speak to because my raging heart would lash out at them. The girl that refused to have a bible in her house!!! The girl that felt nothing but anger, rage, hate and numbness.
Me.. the girl living in darkness.

Nonetheless, by grace, through the prayers of my family and co-worker… you saved me…
They have all said, that they would have never imagined it to be me, that I would probably be the last to be saved, and yet.. you found me.

I was running in a completely different direction and yet … through the casual conversation, in the middle of a club, with one of your children, Lord, you found me.

And then a few nights later, no longer able to live surrounded by darkness, no longer able to live with the darkness in my heart, I sat alone sobbing. I asked you to forgive my sins. I asked that you come into my life and show me the light I had seen in others.

Since that night, you have shown me nothing short of miracles, within myself and my surroundings. The drinking t-shirts are gone, my old ways are now meaningless and my heart is beginning to soften.

I must admit, along this walk I have struggled, I have stumbled.. But yet, with every fall, you have taught me beautiful lessons. I am also convinced that I will always have you Lord to turn to.

You have wowed me, guided me, consoled me, LOVED me.

To my family, Cindy Louise, Boris and the Westside Community. I thank you.
To 'my mules', my brother and sister, Elijah and Christina.. I love you and I thank you.
To my Savior, my Teacher, my Friend.. Jesus.. I thank you.

I pray that I always keep my eyes on you. I thank you for your love, forgiveness and grace. Lord, I give you my heart. I love you because you loved me first.
Thank you Jesus.

Remembering..

June 16th 2007 .
Out of the blue, when I least expected it, through someone I least expected ... Jesus knocked on my door. All this time, all my life, I was walking- no - running in utter darkness. On June 16th... I was told to stop running... on June 16th, I was pointed in another direction... I was told to go THAT WAY.

After that one knock.. that one glimmer of light... I witnessed unbeleivable and beautiful things. Although I always had the choice to continue blindly through this wretched life.. how could I?
I met Jesus.

Since that day, my life, in such a short time has changed in ways I could not even imagine. I have changed in ways even I sometimes have trouble grasping.

It has been such a beautiful month. It has been a difficult month.

I write this now because I must hold on to what I have seen and felt. I REFUSE to turn my back.

I have lost many 'friends'... the phone has stopped ringing.. the nights out have grown few.
It is a choice I have taken. One that is not always easy to accept.

Nonetheless.. I must remember.. I must trust... Which path is better? The dark path filled with others walking with you.. which leads you nowhere? OR The temporarily lonely path with a light shining at the end?

Remembering... Trusting.... I choose to walk towards the light.

I choose to go That Way.... His Way.