Leadership

Do you have any words that you just can't stand?
The words 'leadership' and 'leader' are two words that when I hear send shivers down my spine like nails on a chalkboard or aluminium gritting my teeth.. (yup that bad..)

Here is my gripe with these words.. they feel puffed up... prideful.
I am slowly working through this and apologize if I offend anyone.. it is an issue of mine that I am working to resolve.
I am slowly coming to realize that I have to let go of my association of the word 'leader' with other words such as command, authority, control, captaincy, rule (all found on online thesaurus) and have to get the negative connotation of the word out of my mind.

It's funny because the word has come up often in the past few days.. many people telling me I may just be a leader.. would be a great 'manager' ... and I just don't see it.. (or just don't want the title?)
If I were to be a leader.. I would want to be amongst my people. Down in the dirt with them, sleeves rolled high. A servant leader? I beleive a true leader is one who wants his people to be leaders. Hmmm.... an Encourager. (is that a word?) I would want no power.. would simply want to empower others. I feel great joy when someone I believe in begins to believe in themselves. (And maybe that is the great joy these 'leaders' feel also..hmmm...)

Again, I apologize.. my thoughts are simply processing here..

When God hears your prayers.

Bits and pieces from my journal...
August 5
Lord, I long for connection. Does this walk have to be a lonely one? Can I not connect with others? Forgive me Jesus if my thoughts are misplaced. I am simply searching for what it is I have been trying to fill. What is it that is so lacking that I would resort to old ways..

I long for a group of people I can simply 'be' with. I ask Lord that you guide me through this time and stay with me Jesus.

I pray about these feelings I have about my community. I long for friendships with my brothers and sisters in Christ. I wish we could enjoy our company outside of Sundays. I pray for true and deep relationships.

It was lacking & I resorted to finding it in the world. Forgive me Jesus.

I pray for Westside. For true friendships. For a weekly, daily community. Not just Sundays. Help me take the steps to reach out. Help me try Lord. And if all else fails.. I will trust in you Lord.



My Daily Devotional email sent to me this morning...
August 10
BIBLE MEDITATION:
“For where two or three are gathered together in My name, there am I in the midst of them.” Matthew 18:20

DEVOTIONAL THOUGHT:There is something wonderful about unity. I heard about a fellow who courted a girl by writing her a beautiful love letter every day for two years. He thought that would be a wonderful way to court her. Do you know what happened? She married the mail carrier! There is nothing like being there. There is nothing like personal contact. There is a sense in which Jesus Christ is present when His people gather that’s not in any other sense. You cannot get it the same way at home.

ACTION POINT:Do you have a church home? If not, I encourage you to find one today. If church attendance isn’t important, I wonder why Satan works so hard to keep folks away. If you do have a church home, make a special effort this week to meet a new friend and find a need they have which you can meet

Today's Sunday Gathering..
Focusing on community, church...

Acts 2 42-47
And they continued stedfastly in the apostles' doctrine and fellowship, and in breaking of bread, and in prayers.
And fear came upon every soul: and many wonders and signs were done by the apostles.
And all that believed were together, and had all things common;
And sold their possessions and goods, and parted them to all men, as every man had need.
And they, continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, did eat their meat with gladness and singleness of heart,
Praising God, and having favour with all the people. And the Lord added to the church daily such as should be saved.

My confession.
I need my community. I need a tight circle because I cannot fight alone. I attempted to find these relationships in the world and it led me to sin. The world is very enticing. I describe it as.. a steak which tastes like heaven..better than heaven.. but never fills you. You are hungry..starving.. so you keep, day after day, eating that one steak..which looks so good and tastes so sweet..but which never fills you.
It broke my heart and tore at my spirit. It led me to believe lies. I am not strong enough to fight alone. I feel like I'm drowing...and it breaks my heart.
Forgive me for not trying harder. Forgive me for the bitterness in my heart. Forgive me for beleiving lies.

Lord.. after all I have done, I cannot even begin to comprehend how you would hear my prayers. I thank you for meeting me in the dirtiest, darkest places. Thank you for showing me how much I mean to you..And for loving me when I feel like I am undeserving of even singing your name. Jesus.. I know you are with me. Fighting by my side when I am about to give up. The deepest desire of my heart Lord is to always be in your presence and to please you Lord. Forgive me for not living it out. Forgive me for being too weak to fight at times. Forgive me for doubting that you will fight for me.

Thank you Jesus. Thank you.

Caught my eye

This blog caught my attention today...


http://thelayerfamily.blogspot.com/2008/05/some-pictures-are-coming-later.html


Still praying, mulling through alot these days.
May not yet find roots.. but as I lay my heart open..God will keep digging.

Red light.

Blog to come soon...

Ready to walk.

Decided it's time to go home.

Thank God.

Holding on and rebuking lies.