Slow fade

I died for you.

He repeated over and over as I cried myself to sleep..

"I died for you. That is how much I love you."

Sunday message.

One of the first verses I ever learnt by heart was brought back to me today. Tears strolling down my face, this is what I heard.

"Who hath ears to hear, let him hear.

And the disciples came, and said unto him, Why speakest thou unto them in parables?

He answered and said unto them, Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it is not given.

For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath.

Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand.

And in them is fulfilled the prophecy of Esaias, which saith, By hearing ye shall hear, and shall not understand; and seeing ye shall see, and shall not perceive:

For this people's heart is waxed gross, and their ears are dull of hearing, and their eyes they have closed; lest at any time they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, and should understand with their heart, and should be converted, and I should heal them.

But blessed are your eyes, for they see: and your ears, for they hear.

For verily I say unto you, That many prophets and righteous men have desired to see those things which ye see, and have not seen them; and to hear those things which ye hear, and have not heard them." Matthew 13: 9-17


Although it breaks my heart that not all can see what I see, Lord I am eternally grateful for hearing, seeing and understanding. Thank you Jesus.

We are worlds apart.

I'm ready to blog about it... please bear with me.. this is not easy..

A few months ago, I met the most wonderful person. He and I just seem to fit. He makes me smile, he respects me, is a good person and I love talking with him and simply spending time with him.
It took a while before I was ready to bring this new relationship before God. I was afraid to hear. You see... he does not know Jesus.
I have searched online looking for anyone who could concur with the feelings I have but unfortunately all of the blogs, sites, chats mostly discussed how one is in danger of falling - in danger of becoming sexually active with their 'non-christian partner'. That is not my biggest worry, it is not my biggest fear.

What is tormenting me, is the fact that he just does not know. It breaks my heart. I sometimes feel like I am watching a child prepare to jump rope with friends.. You know.. how they rock back and forth before jumping between the ropes.. Do I jump? Do I wait?
It's like a constant game of hot and cold. And it breaks my heart.

I care for him deeply. I yearn for him to understand me when I talk about my walk. I can't blame him.. he just doesn't know.
Different worlds. - It breaks my heart!

I can't save him. I know that. It is all in God's hands. At this point, I unclench my fists and place him at your feet Lord. There is nothing more I can do.

I ask that you pray..
that I always listen to God's voice..
that He grant me patience and wisdom..
that He soften this man's heart..

I still beleive.

Changed from the Inside Out by Max Lucado

When you believe in Christ, Christ works a miracle in you. You are permanently purified and empowered by God himself. The message of Jesus to the religious person is simple: It's not what you do. It's what I do. I have moved in. And in time you can say with Paul, "I myself no longer live, but Christ lives in me" (Gal. 2:20).
If I'm born again, why do I fall so often?
Why did you fall so often after your first birth? Did you exit the womb wearing cross-trainers? Did you do the two-step on the day of your delivery? Of course not. And when you started to walk, you fell more than you stood. Should we expect anything different from our spiritual walk?
But I fall so often, I question my salvation. Again, we return to your first birth. Didn't you stumble as you were learning to walk? And when you stumbled, did you question the validity of your physical birth? Did you, as a one-year-old fresh flopped on the floor, shake your head and think, I have fallen again. I must not be human?
Of course not. The stumbles of a toddler do not invalidate the act of birth. And the stumbles of a Christian do not annul his spiritual birth.
Do you understand what God has done? He has deposited a Christ seed in you. As it grows, you will change. It's not that sin has no more presence in your life, but rather that sin has no more power over your life. Temptation will pester you, but temptation will not master you. What hope this brings!
Hear this. It's not up to you! Within you abides a budding power. Trust him!
Think of it this way. Suppose you, for most of your life, have had a heart condition. Your frail pumper restricts your activities. Each morning at work when the healthy employees take the stairs, you wait for the elevator.
But then comes the transplant. A healthy heart is placed within you. After recovery, you return to work and encounter the flight of stairs--the same flight of stairs you earlier avoided. By habit, you start for the elevator. But then you remember. You aren't the same person. You have a new heart. Within you dwells a new power.
Do you live like the old person or the new? Do you count yourself as having a new heart or old? You have a choice to make.
You might say, "I can't climb stairs; I'm too weak." Does your choice negate the presence of a new heart? Dismiss the work of the surgeon? No. Choosing the elevator would suggest only one fact--you haven't learned to trust your new power.
It takes time. But at some point you've got to try those stairs. You've got to test the new ticker. You've got to experiment with the new you. For if you don't, you will run out of steam.
Religious rule keeping can sap your strength. It's endless. There is always another class to attend, Sabbath to obey, Ramadan to observe. No prison is as endless as the prison of perfection. Her inmates find work but never find peace. How could they? They never know when they are finished.
Christ, however, gifts you with a finished work. He fulfilled the law for you. Bid farewell to the burden of religion. Gone is the fear that having done everything, you might not have done enough. You climb the stairs, not by your strength, but his. God pledges to help those who stop trying to help themselves.

"He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus" (Phil. 1:6.)

God will change you from the inside out.

Strength

Lord, I am only as strong as the strength you provide.
You are my shield and my rock. You are the conviction in my heart.

Who am I?

Ever taken a moment and simply stopped and pondered on who you are? Who you have become?
The thought crossed my mind today.

Who have I become? I have gone through so many transformations and learnt so much in the past year that I can no longer define myself the way I used to.
But then, how do I define myself? How do I see myself? What are my characteristics?

Who have I become?